Your going to bounce all over the place for a while. One day it might be guilt and remorse at some of the things you did to help the situation along. Other days, anger, resentment, betrayal that she's not doing anything to try to save the marriage.
The fact is she did make efforts, in the past, and you missed the signs. We all did, that's why most of us are here. You only see her flaws now, cause it helps you build up anger to protect yourself, so that you can feel like YOUR putting in the only effort. So you can say im here, ready to fix this why isn't she.
You are not being strung along, she's done. She's trying to be civil with you. Cause right now that's ALL she wants from you.
It took at least a year for her to finally build up the courage to herself to walk away. And most of the time, but not always, its because they've met someone else that is giving them what we were not.
Its a common tale among posts here. You see it as infidelity, she see's it as moving on. Its a hard pill to swallow, been there done that, many of us are or were where you are right now.
No one is here trying to beat you up, we're trying to get you to understand it took BOTH of you to get here. BUT you can only worry about yourself right now. IF you can put in the work, if your willing to look in the mirror, if your willing to forgive yourself, her, and the situation. Then there is a CHANCE you can build a new relationship.
It wont happen over night, it wont happen anytime soon, it might not ever happen. Do you want to have the regret later that you didn't at least try to put the BEST effort you could in, become a better you?
The longer you hold on to the past, the longer you hold on to whats currently happening, the more you hinder the efforts of working on yourself. You cant work on a relationship, when your not working on yourself first. Whats that old saying, you cant love someone else, if you don't love yourself first?
I so wish I could swing by, pick your butt up for a cup of coffee and give you an outlet, its got to start somewhere. These early stages are like dealing with an alcoholic, denial, anger, acceptance, forgiveness. The forgiveness isn't so much to forgive her, but to forgive yourself first.
I know how hard it is to not read into every little interaction, to try to find hope in the smallest detail. To not react when we're not getting the result we were hoping for. But that's the problem right now, you think your putting in the work FINALLY and she's been past that stage for a LONG time.
The other part of the problem is your stuck in this reaction mode, hoping that she'll notice that your making the effort. Right now, you cant react, you don't have time to WAIT and she what/how she responds. Its gotta be about what your doing for yourself NOW. IF your doing things hoping she'll take notice and just change her mind, im sorry friend, go back and read the 1000's of posts/threads. Its not gonna happen. Your trying to invent the wheel, while your wife is off driving the new car.
DB is a proven process, whether it saves your marriage or not, wont be determined for a year or two. What it does save is you. Your going to be making a journey, it starts by putting one foot in front of the other. Your trying to make it by running in place right now. Slow down. Gather your thoughts, get in control, stop trying to figure it all out like this can be fixed by next month, or why it CANT be fixed by next month.
