My sitch life: Reality check Antsy check Keep hearing, "when that decision changes, I'll be the first to know."
And she still has the habit I know so well...takes FOREVER to decide ANYthing. And with something as big as this...to R, or not to R, I should know better that she will take as much time as she needs. I do know that she wouldn't R until she was very, very sure, she wouldn't want the kids to go through a false hope shattering ordeal...
This job she got though has been a godsend, for everyone. Her self-esteem is getting much better, and she can get her controlling out there, and not bring it home, lol. She has her own thing now, this is sooooo good. Gives me space in the house w/o her, and the boys and I private "guy" time.
Though, she is starting to talk more and more. I have had several long convos (by guy standards) with her that she initiated, about her work, etc. Some interest initiated in shared ideas for fixing some kids' school issues. More opening up about where she is, how she got there and here.
Some concern for me...for example, she was mad and frustrated with s3 this morning. I wasn't bothered (yay!)...a little bit after I get to work she calls and starts to vent, then stops and needs to go...I'm not bothered (yay!)...A bit later s2 calls and says "Mom wants you to know that she is doing better now. See wanted you to know so you don't worry..."
My non-sitch life:
This dude gave me a recipe for some apparently bad-a$$ chili that I will be making this weekend. Looks absolutely awesome from what I can see.
Otherwise just a regular ol' weekend for T2. Cooking, cleaning, picking up some guitars and being loud, building models with s3, cleaning the man-cave (and now teen-man-cave, which is why it has to been cleaned and organized, again... lol), laundry, repairing the overhead lights, digging out the x-mas stuff, homework helper/cat herder...
And that is just fine.
And some more song spin...I am a big, HUGE, Lou Reed fan, big influence on my songwriting. Was listening to this yesterday, seems appropriate to me ATM...
"What's Good (The Thesis)" -Lou Reed, Magic and Loss
Life's like a mayonnaise soda And life's like space without room And life's like bacon and ice cream That's what life's like without you
Life's like forever becoming But life's forever dealing in hurt Now life's like death without living That's what life's like without you
Life's like Sanskrit read to a pony I see you in my mind's eye strangling on your tongue What good is knowing such devotion I've been around, I know what makes things run
What good is seeing eye chocolate What good's a computerized nose And what good was cancer in April Why no good, no good at all
What good's a war without killing What good is rain that falls up What good's a disease that won't hurt you Why no good, I guess, no good at all
What good are these thoughts that I'm thinking It must be better, huh not to be thinking at all A styrofoam lover with emotions of concrete No not much, not much at all
What good is life without living What good's this lion that barks You loved a life others throw away nightly It's not fair, not fair at all
What's good? Oh baby, what's good? What's good? What's good? Not much at all
Hey baby, what's good? What's good? Life's good But not fair at all
Have a good weekend all...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Starts off you can hear John Lee Hooker somewhere off in the distance...by the 5 or 6th bite, it's full blown ZZ Top "La Grange" at "11"....the boys loved it, the house smelled so good.
Turned the last Halloween pumpkin into soup, creamed with Vanilla soy milk for our in-house vegans...and was a nice palate cooler for us evil carnivorous chili eaters...
I made enough food with other dishes so that no one has to really cook this week, getting more containers so I can be OCD about the refrigerators organization.
Cleaning, laundry, meditation, read some non-tech "pleasure" books...some Heinlein and "Hannibal".
I've been busting my butt, but you know, it's not any different than if I was a single dad. I like it. After W's mlc, drama is a low priority for me right now. lol. Mellow homebody weekends are just fine.
I am a bit burned-out though, having 6 weeks of vacation time accrued says that I haven't recharged enough, have to look into that after the holidays.
And W was, W. She stopped her ADs a couple weeks ago, so I'm just riding the waves, aloof (for the most part), yet available...there is an increase in her initiating convos, some texting convos (we've never done that). Some teamwork regarding the kids and school and health. I've gotten a wee bit of validation from her, initiated by her.
She invited me to bring the boys and myself by her new store, there is still a need in her to build/have her own thing, I think, separate from the family. And that is okay, she isolated herself for many years with the kids and homeschooling. I can see the good it does for her. It makes me happy despite my exclusion, lol, if that makes sense.
I have been really working on giving the benefit of doubt, giving trust forward, for now, someone has to start, right?
I do trust something I have learned in this journey...the truth wants to be known, and it will find a way. Time.
And I trust I will be okay, regardless. I can give this.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
One other small thing, a customer of mine gave me a x-mas card which included a $50 gift certificate to Dave and Busters, for some work I did for her company "above and beyond", another gave me a 12 pack of some craft beers locally brewed. These gestures remind me of some things about me that have always been there, I do the needful and sometimes beyond, and every now and then, it comes back to me.
So the boys and I will be heading out one of these weekends to D&B's, I will invite W with no expectations, while staying within budget... and as Stuart Smalley says, "and gosh darn it, people like me..."
lol!
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I really, really like you more and more now. Why? Just cuz you read Heinlein...one of my very favorite authors. My favorite book is The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress.
It seems to me that W is starting to 'wake' up bits and bits since she's taken that part-time job. This is real life and she's starting to see it for herself.
T2, I agree w/Wonka in the fact that since your w has taken the part time job she's slowly waking up. Bits and pieces is far better than a fully cooked mlcer all at once. Bits and pieces is allowing her to explore and see the world much clearer and yes, she is learning to see you, T2, as the prize. She's learning slowly but surely to appreciate what she has and almost lost.
Enjoy your Christmas gifts that you have received. I'm very happy to see that someone in your world recognizes you for going above and beyond the call of duty. We all know that you are that "go to" guy here on the forum. We are so lucky to have you as a member of our family, i.e., sharing, learning and just being the wonderful person that you are.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
