The Piecing Chronicles: H is thisclose

[imalright]

totite,

Just stopping by for a visit!

Deb

[psluke]

Hi totite,

It must be time for an update!

Besides I have a flooring question!

[totite]

Okay - time for an update - this should give hope to all of you who think that PATIENCE doesn't pay off -

Positives:

1. My H is still around more often than not.
2. H has been putzing around our house and garage for the past several weeks.
3. H took kids shopping for mother's day cards and gifts for me, cooked breakfast after church, had a quickie and then hung around the rest of the day.
4. H has been regularly attending the kid's activities and has even asked what is coming up on the schedule.
5. After a misunderstanding last Friday night, he stopped by (after his softball game/bar close), woke me up, apologized and then we .
6. H is considering going out of town with us for the weekend later this month.
7. H is helping me get things done around here rather than get upset when I don't get it all done by myself (not always easy with 3 kids and a consulting business to attend to).

So, my patience continues. We are at almost 10 months and counting since he left, but for a guy who doesn't want to live here, he sure spends a lot of his time here! Not only with the kids, but also with me!

PATIENCE - PATIENCE - PATIENCE!

[love_endures4ever]

Hi Totite,

Sounds like things are great, stalled, but great as usual.

Seems like a lot of the BB is "stalled" lately.

It's foggy, damp and humid today! Yuck!!

Cathy

[psluke]

Hmmm...must be time for an update again!!

[totite]

Hey it's Friday night and where am I? On the BB, catching up with everyone!

I have a few minutes before I have to go retrieve my S3 and S6 from the neighbors house. D9 is at a skating show with her teacher. I AM ALONE! Haven't had that since the last time H took kids overnight (back in January for one night)

Positives:

1. H went with us (in same vehicle) to D9's music program at school last night. Then he stayed here late and tucked me in ( )!
2. H was back at 7 a.m. to get ready for his fishing trip. His friend was picking him up here. H, myself and S3 went to test our boat motor as it hasn't been working - just a quick trip to the lake. Then S3 asked when we could go fishing too and H said next weekend.
3. So that means H is planning to go up north with us next weekend. My parents have a timeshare at a resort and we are using the weekend and they will go up during the week.
4. H wanted a quickie ( again - LOL!) this morning before he went out of town. He is gone until Tuesday.
5. H is taking Wednesday off to help me clean out garage.
6. H continues to talk about the future as if we will be sharing it so I don't question anything he says.

I'll add more later, but suffice it to say, things are more positive than not. Maybe we aren't stalled, but moving forward so slowly that it is hard to measure the progress made?

Now, I've heard mention of a few books this week - Wild at Heart, Enduring Love, Smalley's Separation book and more. Any thoughts on what might work best in my sitch would be appreciated. My H's dad walked away when H was small...went on and married and raised about 6 more kids, but never was involved in my H's life - he told me one time that he wouldn't know him if he walked by him. I know that my MIL warned my H when he proposed that I would have different expectations of him than he had experienced because my dad was in my life - did this bias him? Scare him? I don't know.

I'm going to throw out questions and see what I get for responses. I am also going to catch up on HoldingOn's thread because I think her H's dad was also a WAH. Any other thoughts? I have been ready alot of other threads but not always posting as I don't know what to say...believe it or not - LOL!

Thanks as always folks!

[holdingon]

Your MIL sounds like a very wise woman.

Wild at Heart would probably give you some insight into your Hs wound... don't know that it will tell you why he has trouble recommitting to your family. It sure seems like he is comfortable. And it doesn't look stuck to me. I think you might just accept things just as they are, stop EXPECTING progress. Enjoy that your H loves you and your kids and realize this may be the best he can do right now.

I don't know that my sitch will give you any insight. My Hs dad left too, but he never finished his journey, still is bitter and angry at Hs mom, who is dead. I wish I had realized all this stuff when I was still with H... I sure could have been more compassionate and understanding.

H has not shared any of this with me since the multiple bombs. So, I don't think my thread will be particularly helpful.

Wild at Heart is a very deep, deep book. While it will help you delve into your Hs heart, it may also burrow a bit into yours. I had to read it twice, and cried much both times (however, I can cry at a stoplight now.)

Any other book by John Eldredge would probably be awesome, too. The book is Enchanted Love by Marianne Williamson. Another book mentioned in Wild at Heart that I plan on reading is Healing the Masculine Soul by Dalbey.

[totite]

Thanks HoldingOn for the information about the books. I'm not so sure that my H has ever dealt with the emotions of having his father leave at such a young age - so our H's may be more similar than not. We'll have to connect about it further.

But now for some positives:

1. My H came back from fishing on Tuesday night and before even coming in the house, took out the riding mower and did the whole yard!
2. He came in and after the kids went to bed, took a shower, cuddled with me and then tucked me in
3. H, S3 and I took our boat out to see if the motor was fixed and ready to go or not on Wednesday morning.
4. H and I spent much of yesterday and today cleaning out the garage. I took two trips with donations, packed up alot for a fall garage sale, threw out a ton of stuff and I know that he appreciated it! And it feels good for me too!

The biggest positive is that we are going up north to a resort for the weekend - AS A FAMILY!!!!! That's right! My H, our three kids, my D9's friend and me! We are taking the boat and hope to do some fishing, although, he will probably go with 2 kids at a time and I'll be left to watch the two left behind - oh well.

Anyway, it's late, I need to go pack for the kids and I, as well as the food, amusements and whatever else is on my list!

Wish me luck. Say an extra prayer or two. Give me your best DB pointers for I feel like this is a test - one that may move us further along the path to his coming home.

My PMA is great and I feel really good about this!

I'll keep you posted!

[psluke]

Go totite!!!!!!

[imalright]

totite,

Wishing you luck and happiness! Sounds like wonderful things are coming around the corner! Crossing my fingers and saying a prayer.

Go, girl!

Hope you have a GREAT vacation!

Deb