I am glad your h didn't move out. It heightens the drama that you somehow have to avoid, but I think it makes db'ing a little easier when you have some contact on a somewhat regular basis.
Sorry about the problems with your parents. I have run into the same things with my family -- giving advice and offering help that I don't want or need. I just try to remind myself that they see I am hurting and are trying to do what they think will help end the hurt the quickest. They think they are helping and being supportive.
I think a lot of people look at us standers as freaking nut jobs. They can't fathom that we are willing to put up with some of the stuff we go through.
But, I think, that those of us who manage to weather the storm and rebuild a better marriage will be able to hold our heads high in front of those folks and they will end up having a lot of respect for the courage and resolve we showed.
I know - and I'm sure you know - we are all doing what is best for us!
Just my 2 1/2 cents.
2t2m
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
As for your parents, I can understand their concern about the tires and you driving, as well as having the children in the car. Angela, the storm was very bad from in the mid-west, etc. and they were worried about you. As for your h, he can go sit on an egg and wait for it to hatch.
Do yourself a favor and stop trying to talk to your parents about mlc. They'll never get it. My parents didn't get it either and they thought it was just an excuse for bad behavior. The best thing you can do is let the mlc explanation go w/them. They come from a different era and don't believe in it.
As for you in-laws, why post back to you what your h told them. Yes, he's lying through his teeth because he wants them to look bad for purchasing the tires. He's feeling a lot of guilt and now he's using projection telling his family about them and the holiday. Let them be angry, they'll get over it.
I do understand wanting to be on an island far, far away, but they would eventually find you one way or the other. Come here to vent or talk, we are here for you.
I wouldn't worry about your h being angry about the tires...they were bought w/good intentions. I'd be very thankful that my parents did this for me and he should be as well. Tires are expensive these days and you desperately needed them and what better time to get them but right before a winter storm.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi, everyone! I have thought of you all often the past several days!!! I will have to get all caught up on each one of you and your sitches. I bet lots has happened!
I have been so busy, and out of touch with the internet, for days! We, of course, had the horrible winter weather that many of you probably also had (roads are STILL bad here...ugh). We didn't come to work on Friday and came in late today.
My S15 is also STILL in football playoffs (YAY!) so we drove in the ice to get to his game this past weekend. It was all just super busy and crazy around here!
I am actually doing very well. Will update in a bit.
And the tires??? Definitely a much-needed and much appreciated gift!! I told my parents more than once this weekend that they are so awesome for helping us out, especially with this weather!
My H even later admitted that we definitely needed the tires and said something about being glad we have new tires now.
Glad to hear you are doing well Angela and that H came around in the end to admit the tire situation was okay.
Looking forward to your update. Sending positive thoughts.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
I haven't updated due to being busy, and having crazy weather, and because things have been going so smooth with H....I didn't want to jinx it! Lol.
H never said another mean word about my parents buying tires. He did, however, say more than once that he was glad we had new tires with the icy weather.
I am SLOWLY learning this MLC dance better. When H said something nice about my parents or the tires, I would just smile and agree and move the convo on to another topic. This seems to work really well with H. If I "dwell" on nice comments he makes or make a big deal about them, he emotionally "runs" off again.
If I acknowledge the nice comments but move on, that seems to work.
Also, for the FIRST time in a year and a half....my H spoke to my dad!!!!!! We went to S15's playoff game. I let H know that my dad would be there so he'd be prepared. They haven't spoken since July 2013.
My S12 asked if we could sit with my dad (his grandpa)...and H didn't answer so I let it go. When we got there, the kids led the way and ended up sitting next to my dad. So, H and my Dad were on opposite ends of our row with me and the kids all in between. Was a fun, pleasant afternoon (well....the weather was FREAKIN' cold....besides that, it was fun!) and H went to get hot cocoa for the kids.
He turned and said "E (my dad), can I get you anything while I'm at the concession stand?" My dad and I were both startled that H talked to him....but my dad said something along the lines of being fine but thanks, etc.
H and I have been doing very well for 11 straight days now. We've had a few hiccups, like the tire thing, etc. But no huge yelling fights.
I have been very careful to NOT yell or engage in any fights or anger from him. We've stayed calm even when discussing things that usually make us fight.
He's mentioned several times over the past week that I seem different. That he appreciates me taking the time to listen to him before I get angry, etc.
I have been trying very hard to just maintain calm, no matter what.
We've laughed and joked more in the past 11 days than in the past 11 weeks! H is much more interested in the kids and what they're doing. He has started coming out of our room more to hang out with all of us as a family in the living room.
He loaded the dishwasher yesterday and made supper. All things he USED to do but had stopped.
Of course, I'm staying on RED alert for when the next shoe drops...and trying to keep NO expectations. He could start spewing at any time! For real.
But, for now, I am enjoying the peace...and am continuing to work on ME....and spend more time with my kids.
I think a lot of people look at us standers as freaking nut jobs. They can't fathom that we are willing to put up with some of the stuff we go through.
This made me laugh!!! SO TRUE!!!
But, I think, that those of us who manage to weather the storm and rebuild a better marriage will be able to hold our heads high in front of those folks and they will end up having a lot of respect for the courage and resolve we showed.
Ugh. Knew what I wrote today would come back to bite me in the butt.
H texted me a couple of minutes ago about him needing to pay a ticket he got that is due tomorrow.
Texting turns into a fight. Turns into him spewing and blaming me for all of our problems....and he says, "no way in Hell am I spending another 40 years with you and your crap."
So, I said that I couldn't text anymore, am about to leave work...and sorry he feels that way.
I knew it was too good to last. Sigh.......back into my DBing hole I go.
