Becoming PatientMan IV - It Is Well With My Soul

[PatientMan]

XW is calling and texting quite a bit. To me this seems contradictory to the conversation we had Thanksgiving evening when she stopped back by, but not contradictory to her behavior that appears to be a trend which we've chewed on a little bit here in my thread.

We've discussed a more standardized visitation schedule for both of our sanity. I can't be driving around so much and visiting the girls every night, leaving no time to take care of me or my own home and responsibilities. She doesn't mind me being there every night (she has said as much and I believe her to be honest), I just don't think it's sustainable for me going forward as a divorced man creating a life for himself and his daughters.

In addition, we discussed alternating weekends - a pretty standard arrangement. However, on HER weekends I end up spending significant time with the girls as she works on Saturday mornings and we go to church on Sundays. So I'm glad I don't really have to go an entire weekend without seeing my ladies.

The downside to this is I feel she is cake-eating some. And not that I want to impose some sort of punishment on her, but MY weekend schedule (on her weekends) is dependent upon HER work schedule, and I was thinking this weekend it would have been nice to catch up on some sleep, but I had to get up early because she leaves early. And I'm basically a free babysitter from her vantage point.

The flip-side to this is I'd rather see my girls than anything else, so though it may be cake eating for her, it's still a win for me.

So as I spoke of in the OP of this thread (last bullet point under "Notables"), boundaries seem to be the next frontier I need to address and probably already should have addressed. We certainly don't act like a divorced couple.

But that pesky trend has me thinking maybe it isn't the best time to formally establish boundaries...that maybe she is opening up to me and wanting to spend time with me and that could be a good thing: consistent positive time spent together which we both enjoy. I see the merits of not wanting to break momentum if this is that.

So yesterday, instead of sticking around her house - even to just hang with my girls - I left after lunch (kind of establishing/respecting that as HER weekend given I had the previous one). She kept texting me and calling me afterwards. I responded to a few of the texts that asked questions, but didn't answer the calls. She seemed a little perturbed and eventually asked "are you ignoring me?"

My boundary yesterday was simply that I am her ex-husband and will not be at her back and call. I watched some football and spent some quiet time to myself.

A year ago I would have been overreacting and thinking I had screwed everything up, but know I'm just wondering if setting boundaries NOW is the best idea given there might be some momentum building.

Hmmm.

-PM