Oh boy, well I apologize in advance but you seriously need some 2x4's
Originally Posted By: Not Over
He thinks I should get on a plane and show her through actions how much I love her and want our marriage to work.
Good grief, that isn't pursuit, it's pursuit on steroids!! I have never once heard of pursuit working to change the mind of a WAS. What you have to keep in mind is that the things that worked before BD (like pursuit) will not work now.
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After the counseling session I decided to text her and told her I wanted to speak her.
= pursuit
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I decided to let her know that I know about her EA, PA, whatever you want to call it.
= pressure
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I told her that I felt that I pushed her to him with my neglect and lies.
What? Why did you give her a free pass on an affair!!??
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I told her I was hurt because of all of her lies since she's been gone.
She doesn't care about your feelings! YOU need to care about HER feelings! The convos should all be her talking and you listening, not the other way around!
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She told me that she hadn't made up her mind until after her weekend visit, where I smothered her with my neediness, and being clingy.
If you have any doubts that pursuing won't work, then read the above again. She is flat-out telling you it doesn't work and that it's just pushing her farther away.
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I told her that for the last 3 + months I have known about him and how jealous and angry it made me feel.
Quit dumping your feelings on her, don't talk, listen.
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I listened to her rehash how hard she tried to make our marriage work.
So when she does get a rare opportunity to talk, you just dismiss it as rehashing? Think about that.
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I am so confused! Why does she want to communicate so much now that we have talked about OM?
Don't read anything into it. It's pretty clear she's done for now, so accept that. Give her time and space. I think you're communicating with her too frequently even if she's initiating. It's not going to help at this point. Stay friendly with her, but try to keep things short and to the point. Get out and GAL. Try to be a little mysterious.
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Why does my mind tell me to stop pursuing and telling her how I feel, and my heart tells me to get on the next plane before I lose her forever?
DB'ing is counterintuitive. But it's what works. What you described in your post is all you doing what your heart is telling you to, and it's not helping. Read DR over and over again. Read Sandi2's 37 Rules several times a day until the intent is burned into your mind. Live those rules!!
