"Having a fashion sense (though I philosophically disagree with this). "
Why? Would you want to go out with a woman who dresses like a slob or dresses outrageously? If not, then why would a woman want to go with a guy who doesn't care about his appearance?
"How do you work on this fear?"
By not allowing yourself to be afraid. You allow it every time.
"Every time I've tried to talk to her, I get put down."
To be honest it's NOT EVERY time. You've already conditioned yourself to hear anything that she says as critical of you. It's already been pointed out in your recent interactions with her.
"My background is rational, factual, Teutonic. Why can't our interchanges be factual?"
Because no one wants to live like that. We're humans. Not robots.
"I answer her put downs fairly, rationally, but it doesn't feel like enough: the "if you hit me, I'll hit you back (verbally!)", isn't there, but what stupid game is that?"
How many times do we have to tell you that the reason why she does that is to actually get you to show some kind of emotion. When you talk to her in a factual tone it sounds like you're a parent talking down to her and not a passionate person.
"Why not be rational?"
Seriously? Have you learned nothing in 9 years?
"d is home today, and needed help with math. Our interchanges are much more give and take and good. I pointed out an unreasonable expectation on her part. She told me about a dream, with something important written in a purple sky, which she absolutely had to photograph, so she stopped the train. I really loved her in that moment."
Why? According to you, things need to be rational. Your D being filled with emotion from seeing the sky enough to stop a train to photograph, shows her passion. She gets that from your W.
It's that PASSION that your W has been missing from YOU.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
