I started posting on two occassions and both times my H walked in! So I have to start over once again.
HoldingOn - Thanks for stopping by. Yes perception verses reality is a big thing isn't it. It is amazing to me that what I perceive and what my H perceives can be so different from each other and the reality of a situation.
KMFLA - Happy Anniversary. I hope that there was some happiness for you that day. I know it can be bitter sweet too. On our 12th anniversary last fall, my D9 had a hockey game. H didn't sit by us (me, kids, MIL, and my folks) so afterwards as we were walking to car, I handed him a card and said H.A. But so much has changed since then. I am not sure I'd get a card today, but now he sits by me, spends time here, etc.
Cathy - Your question about "what if I thought I had it all right now" hit home. In some ways I do have it all - my home, my kids, my work, my family and my H most of the time. There has never been talk of atty, legal separation or D. I just think with time he will return - it is a matter of how much time - and that is not in my control.
You asked about my H's relationship with his dad. There wasn't one. My H's dad left him, his mom and his sister when my H was about 3. (same age of our youngest) He was a philanderer and when he left, he ended up remarrying and having about 6 kids, a few of whom we met at a family gathering for a relative of his. When the man died, I saw it in the paper, cut out the obit and gave it to him. Then he got some legal papers about the man's will. Nothing ever came of it but he wouldn't have taken anything if it had. He is very resentful for 1. the man leaving and 2. him not having any further contact with his kids but yet having another family. Of course, he has never said as much to me, but that is my read on the situation. It is a topic not up for discussion. Makes you wonder about his leaving us huh?
I brought up that topic when he said he was leaving and he blew his lid. He said I will not leave my kids. I said - leaving is leaving. Whether you remain involved in their lives or not - you will not be here every day to have input in their lives in the same way you would if you were here. He didn't see the difference at that time, but having lived apart, I suspect he understands the difference now.
Akgal - Thanks for stopping and for the ongoing encouragement. Your posts sound great and you always have such nice things to say on my thread too.
Pam - I know you are out there! LOL! You are always good at reminding me to post on my thread - even when I think it is boring. But you are right, even journaling helps me to reflect on what is happening in my sitch and to appreciate the baby steps that are occurring.
So whew! I am caught up, but need to list positives before I journal some more:
1. On Sunday, H was here when we got home from church. He hung around the whole day which let me get some errands done. 2. H left to go to office to run some financial reports and came back here too wait for them to finish instead of going to his apartment (which is closer to his office). When he left he even said he might be back again - but given the late hour I didn't expect it. (I wanted to go to sleep so I wasn't too disappointed) 3. Yesterday, H stopped here on way back to his office from a meeting. And it was almost noon - so as he was standing there I brushed up against him and said, what time do you have to get back to the office. Then I added - hey it's noon - so I got the two boys involved with some toys and then we .
Last night we didn't talk because he was finishing a building project for a friend. But he'll be here tonight.
Onward...
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
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