I was reading your post and it was like I was reading my own writing. Your situation is exactly like mine. I began posting here early on , but mainly have been just reading posts. My H of 18 years moved out in Jan . He says he had lost something for me and if he didnt move out he didnt think it would get better. We have S16 and S9. H lives down the street and since leaving has been around alot. He was in EA with OW from work. We started MC a month ago and he seems to be backing away from EA but hasnt actually told her. He says he wants to come back home but hasnt made the move. I see him everynight just about, we are talking about vacation for the summer and planning things but he just isnt packing yet. I think its because he wants to gradually back away from EA as I believe the OW has more emotionally invested in the R and he doesnt want it to affect his job. Might be wishful thinking on my part. Anyway my positives are the same as yours and lately I have totally backed off asking him his plans. I think he sees it as my ready to "move on" if neccessary. Just cant figure why he wont make the move... must be a guy thing
KMFLA - Sounds like our sitches are pretty similar. Mine didn't have an OW at all, but everything else whatever the reason they leave, they still aren't home.
Definately a guy thing. If you didn't know that my H didn't call this home, you wouldn't know we were separated.
I think that because it was such a huge decision to move out, that it makes it all the harder to move back. I think he has a lot of fear keeping him away.
Yet, I have proven over and over, that I am giving him the time to do what he has to do. I promised back in October that I wouldn't talk R and I haven't. There is no pressure from me - just love and support. Time will tell.
Just have to keep practicing the PATIENCE thing.
Thanks for stopping - I'll try to find your thread later.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Totite- I agree fear is the biggest problem. I think the thought of packing up everything, selling his furniture etc is is overwelhiming for him. On the other hand moving out didnt take this long so sometimes its hard for me not to throw such a comment out there but I know it will not change or accomplish anything. You keep hanging in there too. You seem to have the patience of a saint so I will follow your lead.
Patience has been the key to this whole thing for me. And I have not always been the most patient person in the world.
Journaling -
Last night H came over at 5 and asked if there was anything going on. I said no but then whispered to him that I might take the kids to the drive in. (They have never been and many drive-ins are closing due to land values)
He said that he wasn't really interested and wanted to go to a friends to finish tiling his bathroom floor. (He gutted and redid the whole thing)
So I had the kids put on sweat and sweatshirts, get the pillow and blanket and get in my truck for a mystery trip. They were so suprised when we got to the drive in - and it was showing Scooby Doo 2.
At 8:oo I had S3 call daddy to say goodnight. He left a voice message saying that he was calling to say goodnight and that we were at the movie that starts at the dark.
H calls back about 8:30 - just as the movie was starting - and talked to each child. Then he talked to me and seemed disappointed that he wasn't with us. I said sorry, but I didn't think you were interested. He said that I hadn't said that I was for sure taking them. He said that's allright and maybe I'll see you later.
Then he mentioned he had laundry to do and remembered that he needed to go back to his office to retrieve a map for Saturday. He said he'd likely be at the house when we got home.
He was there when we got home, helped get the kids in and to bed. Then he and I watched the news and Leno. I put my jams on and went into the bedroom - he followed and then we .
He went to a friend's cabin today to help roof it. D9 has a hockey game at 8:30 p.m. and he said he'd try to make it back.
Now, officially, it is my weekend. But the line has long since blurred on that. He is here every weekend and most week nights.
Last night he mentioned that he has one more project to finish for a friend - a shed, then he'd get back to working on our house.
So I need to keep the PMA up, the patience up and keep on acting "AS IF".
Wish me luck folks. Keep me in your prayers and I will do the same.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
totite, It IS frustrating, isn't it... what IS going on in there. Just know that he cares for you, cares for your family... I have no words of wisdom for you to shake him up... if you find some, let me know.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
They need to do it at their own pace for some reason.
Yesterday was a somewhat lousy day H was really cranky and on edge. He spent most of day with S9. S9 had two hockey games in the am and mid pm so I was around H quite a bit.
Last night he said he was going out to watch the Hockey game (Boston Bruins fan). I said ok and I think he was expecting me to quiz him on who and where but I didnt. I then decided to take S9 to movies. H seemed a little distraught about that. Like he wanted to go but didnt. We were in the line at the movies and H called to say he loved me. He was at home and really had no plans just felt he needed to be alone because he was so cranky. He has been depressed lately and just started on some antideprresant which I cant wait to kick in. Anyway I said I would have asked him to the movies but didnt want to put pressure on you. He said I understand. When we got home from movies he called and wanted to come by. He came by and we watched tv a little and went to bed and ML. He is still sleeping as we speak. My plan now is to take one minute at a time and try to enjoy the good times. Have a good Sunday PS Tomorrow is our 18th Wedding Anniversary
Everything sounds so great with you, H and the kids. The only thing missing--H/Dad at home. Then you'd have it all. What if you decided you had it all right now? Accept that this is the way things are and just enjoy it..don't focus on what you don't have because some where down the road H is going to come back. I sometimes think men think kids are okay as long as their mom is with them. I don't know, was your H's father home all the time? Did he spend lots of times with H? Just wondering as my H's dad was never around, on the road working a lot, etc. so this was my H's role model.
I know how hard it must be for the kids, but H is at your house quite a bit, he calls them, spends time with them. THE only thing missing is he doesn't sleep there/live there full time.
Totite I think you are awesome and a wondeful person
Quote: Positives: 1. H is spending a lot of time here. 2. H is playful and laughing more than he has in a long time. 3. H wants to sneak in whenever we can. 4. H filed taxes as married filing jointly. 5. H wants to sell our classic car to upgrade our boat. (this could also be a bad thing - but I am not going to pass judgement yet) 6. H helped get house ready for guests.
So there it is. The things I need to keep working on getting past are:
1. Not getting resentful of his having it all - his family, his wife, and his own space. 2. Not getting upset that his cost of living separately is draining our savings account. 3. His inability or unwillingness to talk out loud about what is keeping him from coming home.
This is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! You are seeing the positives and working on the things that might cause you to interfere with your own goals! I'm proud of you!
I have no advice or other comments because you are doing so well you don't need any!
wish me luck - girl - if there is one thing that i have learned thru brian tracy, is that there is no such thing as luck
good success in anything comes from HARD WORK and PERSEVERENCE and CONSISTANCY of your goals.
you are qualified in all three areas, so you will have nothing but success in your life
brian also says that things SNOWBALL - they start slowly and methodically, and as long as you are enduring the baby steps that you will be rewarded in the end because towards the end they move so fast you needed that beginning time to get ready
(that was a run on sentence, what do you want at 6:22 am? )
take care, and thanks for being a regular on my thread
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Accept that this is the way things are and just enjoy it..don't focus on what you don't have because some where down the road H is going to come back. I sometimes think men think kids are okay as long as their mom is with them. I don't know, was your H's father home all the time? Did he spend lots of times with H? Just wondering as my H's dad was never around, on the road working a lot, etc. so this was my H's role model. 
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