Ambivalent, We still have a couple of weeks before the big holiday. I would begin making my plans, but hold off discussing too much w/your h. Why? Because anything can happen in the next couple of weeks.
Everyone loves homemade gifts and I'm sure your youngest will enjoy the chowder on cold evenings. As for the gift card for your h, I would purchase one, but don't give it to him unless he indicates he's got something for you. Why? Because he may feel guilty if you give it to him, considering the fact that he's living separate from you, etc.
I wouldn't make too many plans that include your h this year. You can invite him closer to the time, but he may opt to come over one day and participate in the family gathering, versus coming both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day because he may have other plans.
Keep your expectations at zero at all times when it comes to your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
