Feel like falling down

[CallaghanClown]

Good question Amb, I'd love to know about these 'touch and go' scenarios.

[willbwell]

Feb 13, h just came over one evening and said he missed us and wanted to come back home. I immdiately said ok. d15 was already in bed, son's not home. lots of sex. there was no real discussion of issues in marriage.
said at that time, affair was wrong.
I am just happy to have h back home.
2 weeks later, h is out of town for work.s17, d15 and I are waiting for h to return home from trip.
He calls and says giving a friend a ride home.
kids and I wait.
call and goes to voicemail.
eventually, d15 goes to bed.
2hrs later, h calls and says he has gone back to apt.
we talk the next day and h says he is still in EA with ow.

march 13, h tells boys he has been unfaithful to me.
h tells boys if they ever want to talk..., I laugh uncontrollably, tell h he is full of shat.

trying to DB.

7/13 starts with flirty texts. h initiated.
again, I let him just come back home. again no discussion.
my mistake.
sex is different.
h comes on vaca with us to FL. I can tell things are not good once again.no sex
we go on a couples weekend with friends. was hoping this would have a positive impact on h.
on way back from weekend, h says he is not coming back home.
h wants to move on.

credit card bill shows h was in ow city right before couples trip. he lied and said he was in another city and flights full so staying over.

h wants D so he doesn't have to lie anymore( my opinion)

[willbwell]

no doubt , h was confused. he apologized for his yoyo behavior.

told h affairs are like addictions

we still remain amicable.

I rarely text. he texts everyday(on my phone) to d15.

h has no contact whatsoever with anyone, old friends, family...

ow is twice divorced 2 kids 4 & 14. 2 diff dads.36yold. shouldn't matter. What matters to me is I feel h is making a stupid choice. I don't like thinking of h as being stupid

[tigerlily78]

Oh I can hear you on that Will. My H used to be such a logical and analytical person, fairly self disciplined in a lot of ways. To see him make some of the decisions he is making now is difficult to reconcile with the "old" him. I wouldn't say "stupid," but certainly out of character.

[BrightFuture]

WBW, I can hear your despair in all your posts. I’m sorry you are feeling lost. I have these moments too. What do mean by “time is running out”? It sounds to me that you are trying so hard to hold on to the thought that your H might change his mind. Please, let it go, let him go. He needs to feel you released the rope. You don’t give him a chance to feel what he might lose, because his attention is on your holding that d@rn rope.

Jealousy was a big issue with me too. I cannot day I was always suspicious, but I had the moments when I didn’t trust H in what he was doing while traveling for work. He mentioned this issue as one of the biggest to influence his decision. I’ve working on this very hard ever since, and I think I’m making a good progress.

WBW, keep posting. We are here for you. (((((hugs)))))

[willbwell]

for me,time running out, is h telling boys about D. makes it become real. I know it is just a piece of paper, but no, it is more than that.
it is the stamp of an end.
of course the old M is over. I get that.
H has moved on. I have not.

I hate the message it sends to our boys...Some day our boys will get married. My smart aleck thought is h saying, no worries boys, if you want to change your mind after 20 years,just get a D.
I am saddened by my h's lack of integrity, lack of commitment.

I know my job is to love him enough to let him go.

I give h his space. I don't call or make any demands. I take care of all house stuff myself. What more can I do?

H is out of town this week, in city where ow is. This is underlying what bugs me. I know. He will be doing a work xmas party. but, I just supposed to dismiss those thoughts and focua on me and what I am doing.
What is WBW doing?
I am being a mom. I am taking care of our children.That is my first job.
I am not woa is me. I see friends, go to yoga and have a life outside of my kids. But come on, lets be real here....
my kids do come first. h puts himself first. the boys see this.
It is selfish and I don't like it.
Yea, I get it. I have a selfish h.
can't do anything about it.
Wish I were the one who wanted the D

[JuneReN]

What matters to me is I feel h is making a stupid choice. I don't like thinking of h as being stupid

This is very important WB. Once you start to unpack this, I think you are going to be moving forward again.

We all feel not good enough and we struggle some days. I say everybody because no matter how awesome one is, something comes along to cast doubt on our wonderfulness. What is key is the self talk that brings you away from that low.

If H was stupid and let's say it was always in him to be "stupid" what does that say about you?

[willbwell]

I had to chuckle... I am not stupid....H was so handsome and witty and sexy, it spun my head around! We have different politics, I like literature and h likes the comics. none of that mattered....he liked me because I was strong and independent and social.
honestly, I would be more so bothered if ow was someone with intelligence or a great job( I am being judgemental here of course basing what I know about her only by her employement)She is one of thousands in h's company.
The real story here is that I am judgemental.
the real story here is I don't like h's company. Although it has provided us a good income/life. I feel( wrongly and with my judgement showing) that a lot of his job is kiss-oss .
H felt my disdain, my eye-rolling,my snide remarks.
H chose his job over his family.
Yes, I would love to unpack this and Let It Go!!!

Ruby as always thank you for checking in...

[willbwell]

Friends, I need advice....
S20 is home from college.H said he wants to tell boys about D.
This is what I have been fearing.

I get no say. I just have to go along.
My children are hurting.

Am I supposed to say nothing to H?

I need help here.

Can you guys who have had the D convo with the kids give feedback??

This is why I feel I am running out of time.
Telling the kids makes it real.

[LoisB]

Could you ask him to wait until the holidays are over?