Quarter Life Crisis?

[flgurl84]

Would love to here from some people out there....

I had a visit from Boo on Saturday. I knew he was coming, I actually had plans, but they fell through.

I had a coaching session before hand, which was great. I am now wrestling with the "do I even want to be with this person if he comes back to me, after what he did to me."

I think I have found an answer to that though. I was not perfect either. I wasn't horrible, but I was pretty bad, so I can't just say, oh he threw me away. It was after a pretty awful summer, mostly created by me.

Oh how I wish I could have been what I am now this summer, instead of what I was, needy, insecure and had no life outside of my marriage. All of these have drastically changed for me!

Anyway, back to my visit. He seemed OK, but a little on edge. To my surprise, he got a beer! He never drinks! I kind of liked it. I thought maybe he was so anxious about being at the house with me, he needed something to calm him.

This was the first visit I didn't cry. We had a good couple of hours. We walked the yard, played with the dog, he helped me with some home projects I started, we listened to music and we both had a beer. I showed him some ideas for container gardens I had. He looked to be on the brink of tears many times during the visit.

He told me he'd be at the house this week. He said he had the week off and he would be at our house doing projects he has started and not finished. He said he would chop down my Xmas tree and set it up in his dad's antique tree stand this coming weekend, when I told him I'd be having my MIL's fiancé help me.

We had a very brief OR talk. He mentioned my dad's antique Camaro sitting in our garage. He said we needed to make a decision about the car, and he wanted to talk to my mom (it's in her name, although we store it, work on it and enjoy it, as mom's not a car person). I told him the fate of the car hinged on the fate of us. Mom and I had discussed selling it and using the money for a down payment for a house for me, or I would keep it and the car would be mine and it would get stored in my garage at my house, if we divorce and I have to leave. I told him I could not sell it to him, as it would kill me to see him and another woman in it around town. He understood everything and said "we will figure it out this weekend." I smile and said, "it took us a long time to get here, we don't have to have it all figured out this weekend."

He stated that he hated himself, that it wasn't fair what he was doing to me (which I vocally agreed with him). He also stated that he didn't feel like our house was his house anymore. I said, come back to your home, you are wanted here. I don't hate you. I tried to reassure him it would all be ok.

Lots of hugs. He said he wanted to do dinner this week, and I told him I had plans Monday and Tues.

I tried to give him his space Sunday, and now today I am at work, so he can be in our house and get acclimated again.

I want to some how tell him that I'm not expecting things to be back to normal. But maybe I should just go with the flow, and only say things as they come up, as I did with the Camaro, and how it worked its way to us.

Any suggestions?