Okay, okay - I'll give an update. First, let me tell you that the kids are on spring break so I have been taking them on fun outings. Next, the educational conference I spent the past several months planning was held last Friday and over 130 health professionals attended - it was a great success.
So now back to my on-going affair with my H....it is still going on. He is here more than anywhere (other than the office).
Positives:
1. H took an afternoon off work last week so I could work on conference. He also kept them occupied at night so I could run to printer and stuff. ANNNNDDDD he stayed over night on Thursday so I could leave early on Friday before Grandma (my MIL) came to watch kids for the day. 2. He went up north with a friend on Friday and came back here Friday night until late. 3. He was here on Saturday and watched kids while I went out with my gal pals until late. 4. He has got the patio door ready to go in as soon as weather permits - hopefully tonight. 5. He was here Monday when kids and I got home from a day at an indoor amusement park. 6. Last night I was heading to the store and as I was looking in the fridge, I asked him if he wanted anything - and he proceeded to grab me from behind - and I laughed and said "besides that".
So there you have it. Same old, same old. Now I am going to tackle some spring projects and see if it helps move him in the right direction - - HOME!
Keep praying for us folks. I'll send some prayers your way too. I've lurked a bit, and now have to catch up with you all too!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Haven't been on here much this week. Just needed a break from the computer following the frenzy of my conference last week. My arms and hands ached from too much typing!
Anyway - some positives to post:
1. The new patio door is in! Woo hoo - we just have to finish the repairs to the wall around it and trim it out. Then it is on to the floors! 2. H stopped by one morning last week on his way back to office from a meeting. Started to leave and then said - well I could be 10 minutes late. I said "it's not even time for a nooner yet (it was 11 a.m.) and he said "it's noon somewhere! So it was! (I was getting worried - like Opt and her H, our pace seems to be slowing a bit at times! LOL!) 3. We took the kids to the circus and I think fun was had by all! 4. He was here Friday night, all day Saturday and most of today. We had my MIL over for her birthday and together we prepared a great meal. He even went out and bought a present that I suggested - and he took one of the kids with him when he went shopping! 5. The apples seeds that he put in a dish at the request of my S5 have sprouted and we are going to try to plant it. (see previous post for reference here! - "our yard")
So it is more of the same - but good stuff in my book!A few blips now and then, but we seem to get past them easier as time goes on.
The boys still says "pack up and come home" almost nightly. He still says "we'll see" which is not a no but by no means a commitment so I blow it off.
We'll see what Easter week brings. We usually go to his cousin's house. I also host an ege dying party for the kids on Saturday. I plan to do that still, but my plans for Sunday will depend on him. I can't see that I wouldn't go as usual - but I am not going to ASSume anything - right?
Thanks for the prayers and support!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
According to most here, things do get back to "normal". The "honeymoon" phase will work into a "building R" phase! And that's good. He seems to be staying still and the kids wanting him to stay is cute, he will, eventually, give him time.
Look at it as a long journey, small step by small step. There will be bumps in the road, no R is perfect. But, hon he is getting there!
totite, I know we ALL get frustrated that our sitches don't move as fast as we want them to... and then we forget the positives.
I know you want your H to come home... but relish this time. Your H is wonderful and kind, and you still have your freedom at your home. He is thoughtful and clearly enjoys being with you and only you. Don't rush him. Let him come back on his own terms.
If you look at some sitches on the bb, those that did not give ultimatums, that allowed their Hs the time they needed seem to be able to heal faster. Maybe it is just my imagination since that is the path I am taking.
Live each moment, be present, don't look too far ahead.
You are doing incredibly well... hang in there.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: I know you want your H to come home... but relish this time. Your H is wonderful and kind, and you still have your freedom at your home. He is thoughtful and clearly enjoys being with you and only you. Don't rush him. Let him come back on his own terms.
I second Holding's post to you, especially the above. My sister and I used to joke that the perfect marriage would be that the W/H would each have their own houses next to each other connected by a walkway. As our H's aren't the most domestic, we figured our sides would be clean and they could live however they wanted to..
I hope you're getting some warm weather up your way. I CANNOT wait for more warm weather, golf, fishing, out doors...
Okay Ms. Pam - here is the update that you demanded!
For starters, we are still in that weird world of spending a lot of time together, having a lot of together, but he still lives on his own.
Last week, he called to let me know that Easter was any time after noon at his cousins. So that was his way of inviting me along.
He was here on Thursday and Friday evenings. Then on Saturday, he came over in the morning and helped clean house as we were having his cousin (our best man) and family over for the kids annual easter egg dying party.
They came over right after lunch. I helped the kids while the guys went downstairs to watch the Masters on TV. Then I put out snacks for everyone. My H's aunt and uncle, another cousin, mom and sister, all ended up at our house. Most ended up eating dinner here too. Then H left at 9 p.m. to go out for a beer with his cousin.
Did Easter together. It was an uneventful day except I had no voice. My allergies kicked in, which triggers asthma, which gives me laryngitis. I should mention that after my D9 and I got home from church, but before we left for Easter dinner, there was just enough time for - can you believe it?
Got home late on Sunday - he helped put kids to bed and then left.
He worked late on Monday, but came over on Tuesday night and started our taxes. I went to a meeting and to pick up kids at various activities.
Wednesday he worked late but came over last night to finish taxes. At dinner, the kids were not cooperating so things got a little tense. It was strickly kids stuff (not liking something, not wanting to finish something, etc) but I always have the sense that he blames me for their behavior. Whatever.
Took D9 to her hockey game, came home late and he had S5 ready for bed. I copied the taxes, then he left to mail them. He had an early meeting today.
The hardest part is watching S3 say "Pack up and come home, repeatedly, then cry because daddy didn't say okay".
Positives: 1. H is spending a lot of time here. 2. H is playful and laughing more than he has in a long time. 3. H wants to sneak in whenever we can. 4. H filed taxes as married filing jointly. 5. H wants to sell our classic car to upgrade our boat. (this could also be a bad thing - but I am not going to pass judgement yet) 6. H helped get house ready for guests.
So there it is. The things I need to keep working on getting past are:
1. Not getting resentful of his having it all - his family, his wife, and his own space. 2. Not getting upset that his cost of living separately is draining our savings account. 3. His inability or unwillingness to talk out loud about what is keeping him from coming home.
Not too much for me to work on huh? LOL!
I just keep praying. I just keep busy. I just keep on acting "AS IF".
Have a great weekend!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
