Wife says she wants to leave (Part 2)

[Accuray]

Agree with everyone -- you are in a very raw place right now, but you must have faith that you *WILL* feel better and find happiness again. It's like breaking a bone -- it hurts like hell in the beginning and takes a long time to heal, but it does heal, and eventually you won't remember that it broke.

You also have a decision to make -- is the PA a deal-breaker for you?

You want to take your time with that one. If you decide "it's a deal breaker" in anger and start acting as such, but later change your mind, you can do a lot of damage that you then need to recover from.

I'm not going to blow any smoke -- if your W is in love with another man and actively pursuing that relationship, you are in for a *very* long road on the "save your marriage" path. You will need the patience of a saint and the stamina of a marathon runner, and in the end, even if you execute DB 100% perfectly she still may leave.

She refuses to leave because she thinks I will use it against her in court. That I say she abandoned her D.

If you want her out, discuss this point with your lawyer. You could probably write up a separation agreement that would stipulate you will not pursue an abandonment claim. If that's her reason for staying, and her presence is torturing you, take that one off the table.

I do think you should express your boundaries. You don't want your behavior to come off as punishing, and she can't read your mind. I would tell her that while she's involved with OM, you are going to limit your interactions with her to finances and D, and would appreciate minimal contact.

Sorry ccZ28, be strong!

Acc