Thanks so much for your response. That makes sense to me and no I haven't read SSM or DR. I probably should.
We've had MULTIPLE discussions over the last 10 years about this. Not to be negative (because I'm a VERY positive person), but it has gotten worse, not better because of our discussions.
I just wish I could take something to make my desire to even want to have sex away. I know that is silly but I'm so frustrated.
One discussion we had I felt like we made progress. She explained to me that she just doesn't think about it... EVER. So, since I'm the H I need to be the initiator and ask her if she's interested. We explained it like going out to eat. She's not even thinking about going to say... Taco Bell but if I suggest it, she may be interested.
While I do NOT understand why she NEVER thinks about it, I thought...well, I guess I'll try... so I did, but it just fizzled out.
Then, one time she said, let's have sex every day so you don't have to worry about if we are or aren't.
At first I was floored. I'm sure every H would love his wife to say that, but the heart behind it was jacked up. She just wanted me to shut up and stop asking her for sex, so she was "willing" to lay there while I satisfied myself. Sorry but that is NOT appealing to me AT ALL!
Sure, you lay there and read the newspaper while I do my business. It just came off like you're an animal and can't control yourself so I'll spread my legs and let you do whatever you need to do.
I just can't do that.
I know it takes her longer to "be ready for sex". I get that, but why?
Why do I have to perform open heart surgery before she's ready...
-spend enough time at home....check -be involved with kids...check -do some housework...check -be interested in what I'm interested in...check -buy me gifts....check -do little things for me...check -put it on the calendar...check -Temperature is right... check -Kids asleep.... check -brushed my teeth...check -showered....check -t-shirt on....check -lights on..no off? ok.... check -humidity is 60%...check -I initiate again....check
It's impossible. I DO all these things for her because I LOVE her deeply... not because I want to have sex with her.
If she isn't in a hotel, its nearly impossible. A drink in her hand helps us skip from step 1 to 30 with only 15 steps left... as long as I hurry up and don't take to long.
Even during intercourse a couple of times I told her after I pleased her orally (not complaining about that, I enjoy doing that, it's just our pattern, I please her orally and then she lays there eyes closed until I go) But anyway, after a couple of minutes she opened her eyes and said, what's wrong? I said nothing. She said why are you stopping? I said, I want it to last longer...her response. Just go, I already did and this is why we do this...so you can feel good. In other words, hurry up, it's all about having an orgasm so have one already. Once again, frustrated and back to square 1.
I am sorry for venting, I don't mean to...I am just so tired and want to give up.
I won't divorce her, so with that, I know I'm in for hell the next ?? years until I die. Unless I can figure out a way to get rid of my desire for sex and just enjoy what I get.
