Wife wants Divorce, I do Not

[burning heart]

Why do you say script?



I'm waiting for my copies of DB and DR to arrive. I will read the as soon as they're here.

[MrBond]

The "script" is what most WAS's say when they leave. You'll find that many of them say the same things to cover an affair.

HOWEVER...in your case, it's NOT script.

Your W had told you time and time again what the problems were and you ignored them flat out. Hers is an actual acknowledgement of what happened. In your situation, more than others, SHOWING that you finally "get it" is going to be key.

[burning heart]

Ok.

I can't wait to read the books. I know I have a lot to learn.

[Cadet]

I know I have a lot to learn.

The #1 thing you have to learn right now is to give her space

DIVORCE = SPACE

If you want to be divorced keep pursuing her.
If you want to try to save your marriage LOVE her enough to LET GO.

Start with that one change, and then you can keep working from there.

[burning heart]

Okay. I can't wait to read the books.

I felt ok after our talk lastnite. It hurt a lot but it was some closure we needed to move forward. I do hope we can keep the lines of communication open. I know right now isn't the time.

Would total NC be the way to go here?
Or the limited contact for small talk?
Not for awhile obviously. And wait for her to initiate, correct?

[burning heart]

In your situation, more than others, SHOWING that you finally "get it" is going to be key.

"Get it" meaning acknowledgment of the affair, where I and WE went wrong, our marriage is over, that her and I are moving forward?

[burning heart]

Another thing about this. I ordered two marriage books before she left.
They're opening me up to things but hard to apply because we're not in the same house or see each other. I've read some are having the same trouble with the DR and DB books.

And we were making future plans even the day she left. ?

I ordered her Christmas gifts early and mid Nov. They all arrived last month and that was hard.

A couple months ago for her birthday a gift ordered was on back order and will be here soon.

[burning heart]

I hope the books will be here soon.

NC since we talked Saturday evening.

I still wonder about what she said. It seems a lot was to make her feel better and have less guilt.

[Cadet]

I still wonder about what she said. It seems a lot was to make her feel better and have less guilt.

That may be true,what if it is?

What does that change?

[MrBond]

""Get it" meaning acknowledgment of the affair, where I and WE went wrong, our marriage is over, that her and I are moving forward?"

No. "Getting it" means that you understand what went wrong, that you validate her feelings of hurt and that regardless of what, you are doing what it takes to make yourself a better man. Period. This isn't about moving forward or the A. It's understanding how you got to this point and doing things to fix it. Not for your W, but for you.