You know, all this boils down to fear, fear of rejection, fear of being put down - again and again, fear of what my W will say, fear of fighting, fear of the next slice of negativity when I say or do something, fear of effing up my life, fear of being abandoned (the classic older man scenario, depressed and alone) etc etc.
So I avoid her (a perfect example of Gottman's negative cascade, this). We had to drive 4x to the same place this weekend, she and I, an hour each way, spent mostly silent.
How do you work on this fear? Every time I've tried to talk to her, I get put down.
My background is rational, factual, Teutonic. Why can't our interchanges be factual? I answer her put downs fairly, rationally, but it doesn't feel like enough: the "if you hit me, I'll hit you back (verbally!)", isn't there, but what stupid game is that? Why not be rational?
d is home today, and needed help with math. Our interchanges are much more give and take and good. I pointed out an unreasonable expectation on her part. She told me about a dream, with something important written in a purple sky, which she absolutely had to photograph, so she stopped the train. I really loved her in that moment.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
