Sounds like things are comfortable between the two of you. I think your patience is inspiring! You have the best of both worlds right now, space for you and your H has his space and the connection of family. It's like you two are dating.
Just curious what is your H like? What kind of personality? What are his hobbies? Has he changed any since he left?
Sorry for all the questions, but I like to get a feel for the H's.
Hi there. Need to catch up with all of you. It is soooo hard for me to get on here on the weekends and then the kids had no school on Friday or yesterday so even more difficult this week!
Thanks to all who stopped by last week - Jackie, Bwriter, HoldingOn, Cathy, Karen, BNB, TKKC!, Deb, Pam - it means a lot to me.
Dagny, on Saturday night, my H stayed late for a little couple time (and yes, more ) and afterwards we were talking and I said, "just a heads up that tomorrow the boys want to go to your apartment so they can help you pack up and come home. I don't know what to tell them because I would like you to do it too."
He didn't say anything and since it was dark I couldn't see his face. But he kissed me goodnight and was back here bright and early on Sunday when we got home from church. So it didn't scare him off. In fact, he had put out our new toaster oven and boxed up and tossed the old one. He was vacuuming the steps and entry when we came in. So he was right at home!
We did go and get a new patio door on Thursday, but a snowstorm on Friday left 8 inches of slop so he couldn't install it yet. Maybe this weekend. We also looked at flooring and since I really don't have a preference (I like most of them, different woods, different colors) I told him to get what he liked. We didn't buy it yet, but he is going to look it over better and pick one out.
We had tickets to a college hockey game on Saturday afternoon but had 3 pair of tickets in different parts of the arena (hey they were free for a sold-out arena - can't complain!) Anyway, my dad was going to sit with one child, my H with one and me with one.
As we were getting ready to leave, my brother called to say that my mom had been in a car accident and my dad was taking her to the ER to get checked out. So we had to reshuffle our plans and ended up letting D9 take a neighbor and sit where I could see them. We drove separately because, after 2nd period, I was taking kids to birthday party about 40 miles away and H was staying at the game.
Anyway, D9 decides she wants to stay but boys are ready to leave after 1st period. D9 asked H to bring her up after game and he says okay. I leave with boys and H drops D off later. Then I get a call from my brother saying they are keeping mom overnight for observation (slight concussion and lots of bruises).
When H came over later, I updated him on my mom and he helped get kids to bed. The boys wanted apples for their bedtime treat. S5 wanted to save seeds and plant them in backyard. He said that the tree would be his. My H said - it will be our tree - there is no mine around here. (I thought to myself )Then we watched TV a bit, then I said, I need to go and lay down as I have a headache and am all tense. He came in and gave me a neck and back rub and that led to .
Sunday he watched kids after church while I went out to see my mom. I also ran some errands. When I came home, I went in and laid down as I was exhausted. He came in and laid down with me for a while. Then he popped his head in to see if I was sleeping and when he saw that I wasn't he asked what I was doing. I said, thinking. He asked what about. I said everything and that it had been a hard couple of days. He said, your mom will be allright.
So positives:
1. H went to game with us and brought D9 to party out of town. 2. H came over late Sat for some alone time. 3. H made comment to S5 about ours vs. mine. 4. H did household things while waiting for us to come home from church. 5. H reassured me about my mom in a very gentle loving way.
Now, Cathy, you asked about my H. He loves to do projects and is very handy. He gutted a friends bathroom last week and they are almost done with it already. He loves to fish and hunt. He used to play softball but most of the guys have quit playing as they aged and injuries starting bugging them.
He had stopped doing much of this. Was he in MLC? I am not sure. Was he deterred by his weight - yes. He has done Adkins and lost at least 50# and still could lose more. He looks great and has more energy.
He is starting to do the things he used to enjoy. So the reasons remain unclear, but as long as the result is positive, I am not going to question why and just focus on the future.
Well, a long post, but a productive one!
Have a great day!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Keep it up Totite! Whatever you're doing sure seems to be working. And that alien is moving on for sure. Congratulations on all of the positives! Tootles.........
Hi again. Was working on the conference I am planning and came across this quote. It seems really applicable to what we are facing here together on the BB so here goes:
Quote: Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
James Baldwin
How's them apples?
Catch up with you again soon (sooner than last time I hope)
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Everything sounds wonderful, I like the our tree statement. At least now he knows what you want, he can't be wondering about where you stand. Maybe it will take him some time to process it, I think they need to get it through their thick heads that we still want them back after they left us. I don't know if it is the guilt or can't believe how strong we are, but I know my H still is going through those types of thoughts. Maybe every other week make a simple statement like that, not pressure, but reassurance that you want him in your life.
1. H told me to go ahead and order circus tickets - I have taken the kids every year, but he has only joined us for the past two. Got the tickets in the mail yesterday and we are in the second row in the boxed seats! Woohoo! Yep, I'm a kid at heart! 2. H sent suggestive email from work yesterday. 3. H came over and cooked dinner last night rather than take the kids somewhere. 4. After dinner, H sent kids downstairs to play and do homework and then started getting frisky! 5. As H was leaving, S5 made him wait so mommy could get hugs and loves too (kids do this every time he leaves and I've started doing it in front of them instead of alone in the garage) 6. Just after 10 p.m., H returned (he told me he would) and we laid in bed and watched a hockey game and then before he left for night.
So folks, we shall see...we have future plans, a new patio door to install this weekend, a family outing on Sunday, etc, etc. The only thing missing from this picture is his living here.
Next week will be interesting in that H has traditionally invited his mom, my folks and his buddies over for corned beef and cabbage. I haven't mentioned St. Patrick's Day at all and am not sure he will, although his mom will miss it and may say something to him. Maybe it will come up this weekend.
Then again, maybe it won't. But since I am busy finalizing plans for the big consulting gig that occurs next Friday, I am not worried if we do nothing on St. Patty's Day. Then the kids have spring break the following week. Always something!
Have a great day people! Thanks for your continuing support. I know that your prayers make a difference in my life each day. I will continue to keep you in my prayers as well.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Wow, you are in a good place. I wish I could get a better handle on my sitch. W and I wound up having a few R talks over the last several days and I would deeply appreciate your feedback.
) and afterwards we were talking and I said, "just a heads up that tomorrow the boys want to go to your apartment so they can help you pack up and come home. I don't know what to tell them because I would like you to do it too."
)Then we watched TV a bit, then I said, I need to go and lay down as I have a headache and am all tense. He came in and gave me a neck and back rub and that led to 
