validating... "It sounds like you're in great pain, and I feel sad about that too." "I don't remember these events happening the way you do, but I can hear how upset you are." "I miss them too." silence
You are not going to get him to remember things your way, at the moment. Someday later he may remember them differently. But it's clear that he is angry and in pain, and those are facts whether it's your fault or not. Validating is just accepting his feelings.
I give more latitude for people being jerks while grieving, but more space and distance when he's being insulting would be a good idea.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
