not as scared or confused. . still hopeful (II)

[melissag]

Julie, this sounds awful and I am sorry your H is being like this. As far as the controlling part goes, I don't think that you have to sign up for his brand of crazy. I am guessing that you know very well at this point what controlling behavior is and what it isn't. So just do your best based on what you think is reasonable. That said, I would suggest nothing to him. Ever. My DB coach told me to do the same. For example, we have tickets to a sporting event coming up next weekend. My coach told me not to suggest what we do with them or whether he is going or I am going or we are going together, but just make it more like a PSA: "by the way, we have tickets to the (team) game on Sunday." And let him lead the discussion. Not sure if that helps you or not - your H seems to be looking for things to be mad about and I wonder if that has to do with his guilt over the OW. (Oops, mind reading. Sorry.)

Yes, use DBing for you. I haven't quite figured out how to detach yet, but I think that I am verrrryyy slowly becoming more detached, so I think maybe it just takes time. I imagine your H being mean and rude to you might speed up the process a bit, though.