Hi Ambivalent, I am starting to read the 7 Principles of Marriage. It has been very helpful, particularly for me to recognize our arguing patterns that are destructive. My IC often mentions the Gottmans. She is attachment theory however.
Right now we are not doing MC together, we are each only doing IC. H has found an IC that he really enjoys and he seems to be really benefiting from going. He told me he doesn't want to do both IC and MC at the same time, it would be too much for him, so basically I am waiting for him to say he is ready to go.
I do worry that we need to start on MC soon to start addressing our issues together.
We have avoided a few of our main issues, such as my insecurity/jealousy and his constant shutting down/invalidating my ideas. He has done some things in the past, and I am talking about 10 years ago that I have felt were inappropriate and he has never apologized/acknowledged that I have been hurt by his actions. Mostly our problem is that we have different ideas of what is acceptable for interactions between men and women than he does. Still, whenever a social situation comes up I worry and get triggers about what has happened in the past, and I never really feel secure.
I would like to find a good counselor that is solution based for our counseling. We had a REALLY bad experience before and we are both nervous now, after that. I would say our previous counselor greatly contributed to the demise of our relationship.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
