If the holidays stir up the person in MLC, I think they do the same to the LBS. At least they are to me.
I am facing down a Christmas different from the others, worse than the others. New traditions will be made, I'm sure to take the place of the old ones.
Limbo is not a good place to be. Although I have acted as if Skippy is never coming back, I cannot seem to exorcize him from my head. Like a ghost that won't go away. I thought that when he called after all that time, that would open a bit of a door. But in true touch and go fashion, he has disappeared again.
And I want that last bit of him, out of my head. I want to start the new year fresh and hope that it is a better year than this last 18 months. No more losses, divorces, deaths. I wish there was a switch.
I know that I will be fine, never doubted it, really. But I want to be more than just fine. I want to fill those holes left by this last year.
I don't know what these touch and goes mean to the MLCer other than a check of some sort. I don't want to be touched and left anymore. I want him to go, if he's going. It is unhealthy and disappointing for me to keep up this...whatever it is.
I no longer have expectations of him but now I want that little flame of hope to die. Enough so that I can get to the point where I can face the future as it is and to stop thinking of things that we planned and now will not do. To get rid of the ghost of him and not look back.
