SM34's Post

[melissag]

SM, I agree with you - it is very difficult to accept that your dream has been shattered. But, like you said, perhaps there is still a chance for it - and a more fulfilling realization of that dream. Or, maybe there is something else out there that is even *better* than your dream, and you just don't know it yet. Also, don't assume anything about other families. I know it is easy to look at the families you see everywhere, and think "gee, I wish that was me." But it turns out that most families have problems, some worse than others of course. I was so jealous of a friend of mine - she and her husband have what appears to be a perfect life - nice house, money, four cute kids, health, she always looks great, etc. Until I found out that her M is very much on the rocks. I really never would have guessed it.

Also, I have decided to try to be grateful for the things I have, but also to be grateful for the ways in which things are better since BD. My H does not live here anymore, and he may well end up wanting a D - and we all know it is a serious understatement to say that $UCKS.. But I am SUCH a better person now. I like ME so much better. I like HIM so much better. We get along so much better. He is starting to enjoy spending time with me rather than dreading coming home ash night after work. I have rid myself of most of my self loathing. And then the little things. There is never stuff left wet in the washing machine for three days. I don't have to worry about him stealing all the covers at night, or waking me up with his snoring. I can do what I want without wondering if he is going to judge me or think it's not good enough. When he is grouchy about work, or whatever, I don't get the brunt of it. The list goes on.

So try not to focus on shattered dreams. Focus on the positives - or at the very least, the facts. Your dream is not yet shattered. And if you do end up getting D, you will have a new dream. I promise. And you will be in a great place to make it come true.