Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Pudmuddle]

Tiger, NQ, 2t, thanks for the support. I think I'd have run away to a remote llama farm somewhere if I didn't have the people on these boards.

The timing of all this cr@p just [censored] royally right now. I hadn't told my H because I didn't think he would care. But when H and S were taking off to do some light errands, he asked me if I needed my car and I said no, I was staying around to work on my resume and christmas cards. He said 'Resume, what's going on? Still bad huh?' Well I lost it and started crying and told him what was going on. I told him sorry I didn't want to bother him with this and cry in front of him. I said 'Why does everything just suck right now?' He gave me a big hug and said 'I'm so sorry, really, I'm sorry'. That made me cry more and we hugged again.

Our past few days have been good too. I've been remembering to thank him for doing things around the house as he is an AOS guy. He seems to perk up after that, so maybe it is sinking in. This morning he vacuumed under the couch, as we were moving it for our xmas tree, and after he was done I said 'Thanks pooky!' I remember I could see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me, kind of surprised. I know he wonders how I can be so nice when he is making such cr@ppy decisions right now. He always looks at me with sheer wonder when I thank him for things.

Then he brought up my Bday and what S thought he could get me. S was saying 'well let me just use one of your ideas' to H and he was saying 'No S you need think of something really thoughtful'.
That kind of surprised me in a nice way. So at least H is thinking of my bday, but I still have no expectations on anything from him. We shall see!

Another interesting story, he also brought up how a guy at his work, who is kind of a real jerk, was talking about a gift for his wife. His idea was to get her some comedyworks tickets at a place where he and his buddies could also smoke cigars. H and his other male friends at work kind of eyed each other in disbelief when this guy said that. After that guy walked away, they all said 'Can you believe that? He thinks that is something nice for his wife? More like it is all about him!' and they laughed about it. Then H said to the group 'That would be like me getting W <my name> tickets to go see motocross!' When he told me this I was like staring at him because I thought OMG HE IS IN THERE. That sensitive guy I used to know! He actually thought of mentioning me at work and in a thoughtful way!!!! Holy cow, batman. That was so nice to hear.

H and S also willingly brought up, and set up, the Xmas tree when I asked, so that was nice. I'll be working on that when he leaves for his 'football game' this afternoon. yay for happy christmas thoughts!!

Sigh. It's an adventure in self-discovery.