I came over here to check on you, NLW, and am really sorry to read about all that has transpired. Our xh's have such similar behavior. Mine, too, has spewed at the kids. They haven't been out with him in over a year. He scares them with his erratic behavior. He abandoned them, lied to them and repeatedly hurt them.
Like your xh, mine has money to buy a new car and a new house and generally live the high life, but won't acknowledge school or medical expenses that are nominal in comparison. He is incredibly selfish and then seems puzzled as to why he doesn't have a relationship with his own kids.
I'm glad that you and the kids feel you have moved on and are making a life for yourselves. We have done the same. Xh is just someone who pops up from time to time just to insert his craziness in our lives.
NLW, these guys had a master plan that didn't pan out. They have lost control and it causes a lot of fear for them. The spew comes from that place. The more desperate they become the more volatile the behavior. Please be careful.
