As a re-cap and to catch you up, my husband appears to be going through a MLC. Before his 49th birthday he had an affair at a convention and a month later had another fling in Vegas. I did my detective work, found out about the fling, flew to Vegas and got into his room and found notes he left with flight info about OW flying to Vegas to be with him that weekend (he had checked them into another hotel) so he didn't have to be bothered with me calling him. I felt like I was in some sort of a crazy, real-life, Lifetime movie...if that makes any sense? LOL
I was heart-broken when I discovered he was in Vegas on his birthday weekend with the OW and lying through his teeth about it. After I discovered this in the hotel room, I immediately took the next flight back home and silently sobbed (facing the window) during my flight home. Upon husband's return home, he was really pissed that I flew to Vegas and got into his hotel room. He denied, denied, denied it until I showed him the actual proof of what I found in the hotel room. A month later I went overseas to visit my parents and when I landed I had an email from husband that he moved out.
It's been 5 1/2 months now. I have no idea where he's living. The OW lives out of state and I suspect that he might be living with her as he's only emailed and sent me texts and has never wanted to talk on the phone or meet with me in person (since he left). All the communication we've had, which has been extremely limited, has also been during the work day.
He hasn't mentioned divorce or filed yet.
He is still paying for all charges I put on the American Express credit card (gas, food, clothing and all other expenses). I've never been a big spender, though, and that hasn't changed. He changed my access (since I'm just an account holder) and I can no longer see his charges on the credit card. I have always paid for the mortgage (home I owned before we met) and gas/electricity and continue to pay for these expenses myself.
Husband and I have not talked once on the phone since he moved out the beginning of July. He has only emailed me and sent texts. We barely communicate, though.
As painful as it's been, I have been out there GAL and two months after he left he confronted me about a bunch of restaurant charges around town and one for a restaurant bill that was out of town (no hotel charge) and he was upset and suspicious (and seemed a bit jealous). However, when he learned that these were just Meetup events and a Meetup related trip out of town (where I shared a room with three other women) he seemed okay about it. I now see this was a bad move on my part that I didn't play up the mystery and divulged everything). Also during this text communication, I also made the mistake of letting him know that my heart was still in love with him. He didn't respond to that.
During the 5 1/2 months apart, I also made the mistake of sending him two different Anthony Robbins relationship related videos (at two different times) that I asked him to watch - each an hour long. He never responded to those emails.
I believe he is living with the OW out of state.
His mail is still coming to our home and he clearly does not want me to know where he is or spy on him (as this was something I was consumed with prior to BD).
He had no furniture but had some boxes of stuff and it's being stored in a storage facility in-town (which is another reason I think he moved out of state to be with OW).
I haven't told my family that we've separated but will do so during Christmas when I visit with my siblings that are out of town. I'm not going to tell them about the OW, though.
Being that he's moved out (and likely living with OW) and doesn't want to talk to me or meet with me, I don't know that we'll ever have an opportunity to work on us.
After the first month and second month apart, he sent me an email asking where do you think we stand? I never got into specifics about us and where I think we stand (just replied about how I was GAL) because I was afraid he'd want to use my reply as an excuse to end the marriage. He hasn't asked me that since our 2nd month apart. Was I a total fool not to respond to this since it was a relationship question "HE" brought up??
Don't know if I'm doing it all wrong...or not. I've been ready posts on here continuously for months, but I think it's time I get some feedback from the group.
I'm so afraid that he's becoming more and more attached to the OW, especially if he's living with her. She's single, never been married, no children. She's 45 years old.
I'm 44 and was one month pregnant when I found out about the affair. This was going to be my first child (husband has a son from previous marriage). I've miscarried - so this has been a tough year, to say the least. :-(
I've had a couple of calls with a coach and the last one the coach told me I can't be sending him mixed signals of GAL and then sending him relationship videos and making it seem that I'm still into him. She said that I need to convey that I'm moving on without him. Since that last call, I've stopped wearing my wedding ring (which is helping me de-tach) even though I haven't seen him or any of his friends.
Any questions you may have about my situation, advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
