I know not everybody reads everyone else's threads but I wanted to share a couple of other mistakes I made in case some others are in the same situation.
Within a few weeks of finding out about the affair, things were still very rocky. My wife was still involved and continued to lie to me. I got a lawyer and filed for D. Then, later in the process, when she told me she wanted a separation and was moving out, I had her served.
At the time I did both of these things, I felt like I was preparing myself to move on and close the chapter. My real motives however were to get my wife to 'wake up'. So in effect, they were pressure. Pressure may work in the short term, and it did for me. My wife stayed around for a few more weeks and then decided she needed to leave again. You do not want pressure to be your spouses motivation to come back.
Also, really take the time to be honest with yourself before you act. You do not have to rush into anything no matter what friends, family or people on these forums tell you. Take your time and evaluate what you really want and decide if that action will help you get there.
In my case, I acted out of emotion. I told myself I wanted to move on but I really didnt. While my wife had said she wanted a divorce in the past, she never once did anything about it other than react to my moves (she spoke to a lawyer after I did; she had her lawyer contact mine- as the law requires- after she was served). The point is that my rushing and my actions have put us closer to a divorce - the last thing I want- than we would otherwise be.
Be honest with yourself and take your time!!
I had to readback because i was confused when I read about the Christmas gifts. I'm glad you posted this above.
About the Christmas gifts, I'm confused. What are your goals now? Is this again acting from emotion or pressuring?
You should be really clear within yourself what your goals are and who you want to be before you do anything?
We all do things we wish we could take back during this journey, we learn from them and it sounds like you learned something but just be careful of over-correcting. Make sense?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
