well today happiness has been elusive, can't seem to find it any where in my being. talked with the wife a little today. played the roll of friend again. It's hard being friends with a teenager, funny I have known her since she was sixteen and she didn't act like this then. she is so happy she can finally put her hair up in dreads. anyone that says anything contrary about it, she tell them she is going to do it whether they like it or not, almost like a child throwing a fit. and her language, she never used foul words like she does now, she drops the f word like I can't believe. she use to give me a hard time when I did it. now it's totally unattractive. her whole demeanor has become unattractive. I'm guessing that it's probably a little depression trying to make in roads in my mind. I have been trying to stay away from taking drugs to control it. they seem to make my life worse not better. so I will journal here where it can't be found (I hope that is) All the post I read today seem to be about mlc'ers that became x's not good for my mental state right now. I was hoping to find other men who had wives in crisis now, but kept running across men who divorced. that only made it worse. My form of quitting was trying suicide, but my wife managed to save me, so here I am with a middle aged teenager for a wife and four adult children that act older than their mother. waiting on her to wake up and become the beautiful woman that I knew before this all started. oh well, time to quit complaining, my step-dad use to tell me if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.that was his kind way of telling me to grow a pair and get over it.on a positive, db'ing seems to be working I don't contact her, she has been doing 99% of the contacting. but since she is in replay I take nothing she says at face value,she seem to forget the next day any way. well that's all for now, tomorrow we will see what life in the twilight zone brings.
