I had a great day with my kids today. We met h for lunch with Santa. H left after lunch since it was my day with the kids. We wound up going on a horse drawn carriage ride. After dinner, I dressed the kids in their Christmas PJs, grabbed blankets, got hot chocolate and headed to a festival of lights show. The kids loved it and we had a great day starting new traditions.
I am starting to realize that I can have a full and happy life even if h is not in it. At least I don't have to get hurt by his actions on a daily basis. I think for so long I have had h on a pedastal. But the more I come out of the LBS fog, the more I realize that not only is h a crappy husband but I don't really like him much as a person. H was always loved to be the center of attention and put himself first. I am nof sure if he will ever chsnge. Maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that. I really do believe that I deserve something better than he has been offering for years.
At lunch, h mentioned wanting to take the kids to his office party. He said that OW may be there with her kids. He asked if that would be OK. H said that they would not interact with OW. I told him that I was prefer that the kids not attend if OW is there. I said that OW has been flaunting their relationship and based in their last lies I did not believe that ow would not interact with them. Buf i fold him the decision was uo to him. H said that it [censored] they can't go but would not attend because he understands my feelings. After I felt bad. Why do I feel bad in these types of situations? H chose to have an A with a coworker and there are consequences to that decision. I should not feel bad. I need to work on this. I guess it is good that I recognize that this is a problem and stopped myself today.
I am glad that my pity parties are getting shorter. I guess it means that I am getting stronger. During H's apology for his phone call, h mentioned that he was lonely and tired of laying in bed with his pillows. In an attempt to lighten the mood,h said that he should invest in a blow up doll to snuggle with so he would not call me when he is upset. So for Christmas, H will be getting a blow up doll from Santa. I am not buying H anything, but figured a gag gift will show H that I still have a sense of humor despite all the crap that he has put me through. Guess today was a really good day if I can laugh despite how stupid and selfish h is.
