Before we were married she promised me that she would never leave "no matter what" & then we married and vowed "for better or worse, till death us do part".
I'm going to try to set your mind straight about DBing process.
When a couple begins to date, they are filled with dopamine and limerance with a dash of naievty that leads them to "trust" one another to be together forever and all's well with their world.
They get married. Have kids. Life happens. It is not the Disneyland fairytale that is supposed to have happened. You all have had your share of struggles, disappointments, wicked ugly fights over clothes left on the floor in the bedroom, a demon of boss blowing fire over the shoulder, a runny-nosed kid screaming his head off and on and on and on.
What happens? Disillusionment and resentment sets in and you two do not communicate very well...otherwise you wouldn't be here in the first place, right?
F4MW, you're being way too harsh on W in trying hold up her part of "for worse" bargain. You're no prince yourself either. You've contributed to this sorry mess as well. You only own your 50% part of the equation. The other 50% is W's responsibility and ONLY hers alone.
This stands to reason to change your gaze from W back to YOU. What can you do to improve yourself? What can you do to discard the patterns in YOU that you do not like at all? What can you do to communicate better?
Originally Posted By: Fight4MyWife
She is the only person I have ever trusted with all my heart & that has just been totally destroyed.
Really? Is that true? Your heart is only yours and you own it. Hurt? Sure. Destroyed? Nope. You're giving away waaaayy too much power to W.
Originally Posted By: Fight4MyWife
I feel like I want to know the reasons because I don't know how else to accept that someone who I trusted & who made promises to me has gone back on those promises. I want to know the reasons to explain or understand how those promises can be broken.
You want to know the reasons because you are bewildered, devastated, and flummoxed by W walking out of the M. I get that. Right now, W isn't interested in giving you the answers. Why? Because she feels that you have not been listening to her cries for help. You have not actually been listening to W at all. She's fed up with your perceived uncaring attitude toward her and the M. Now, don't get all defensive here, F4MW. That is her PERCEPTION. She's had it up here [cutting chin with finger] with you.
It ins't about "broken" promises, but rather "broken" love. Remember this. She tried and tried. She's all worn out and broken.
This isn't "pinky finger" promise that you make with your friends sitting in a circle out in the woods like the little goon boys you are. This is MARRIAGE and it's tough stuff!
Sh!t happens. It is how you move forward and make excellent mud pies out of this is the making of the man that you'll become.
Let's fix the sh!it that's you. What improvements in YOU that you can do right now that will last for the next 50 years? And those are the ones that will make you feel better about you and only for you.
