Look what the cat dragged in! (TL) - Act 2

[tigerlily78]

AJM, I don't have a debit card for this account because I used to have a card on a subaccount which we dropped due to fees, and so we just kept the main account and I think this account only has my H's name on it. Maybe not. Checks are now locked in the office. I don't WANT to have to be sneaky and underhanded anyways... doing so will only reinforce his paranoid delusions. :P

I know what you are saying is right about the money situation. Right now I just feel like when I DO bring up the money stuff it ends up being WWIII and gets all blown out of proportion about how *I* am the one who cannot be trusted and that the money is ALL I care about etc. I have broached the subject and he basically gave me the "I'll think about it, I just haven't had time to make any plans." (Funny how he has time to eat out and play games and watch YouTube, but something as simple as taking out cash at an ATM is time consuming beyond his ability.)

It has only been 8 weeks since BD, only 4 - 5 weeks he has been not sleeping here. I don't think there is any happy medium for me to play in pursuing the money issues. No matter how calm and rational I am in laying out the facts and what I think should happen, he will almost certainly hear that am being a crazy money grubbing b*tch right now. So I'm not sure I get anything out of that. I don't think he WILL agree to the solution and on top of it I get the negative perception.

I do know that these conversations need to happen again. But I was thinking that waiting until after Christmas might be better. Is that crazy? I don't know. I do already feel like if I just stepped off of it for awhile and gave space that he might come to his own solution. He is already spending more time here. That is a change in one direction not the other, if it seems like we stay stuck there for awhile, then I think it would be worthwhile pushing for a change.

I do also see a little movement in terms of the money stuff. Before he had to GO WITH to do the shopping, then it was "let me see the list first and bring me the receipt", now he offers the card and he doesn't even ask for the receipt.

I also think the money thing is about him trying to reestablish a line of "decision making/ head of household role" that he feels we was left out of before. So in a sense I have taken this as a 180 in the short term... for now I can allow him that sense that his decisions matter and are important. That I wouldn't just run off and do something without his consent (even though his current decision has really given me every right to do so).

I unfortunately do not have DB/DR book yet. Have plans to get to the library this week and finally renew my expired library card so I can check them out.

I have been hoping I can land one of these job, so then it is less of an issue and it is out of his hands what I can and can't spend money on and when.