Burning, READ what Fly wrote again! It is spot on! Please help yourself and listen carefully to what Cadet and Bond are saying to you. You are in for a loooong ride. As difficult as it is, accept things for the way they are right now.
You have two of the best vets here so far giving you advice. There are many others also. Cadet will give you invaluable advice based on his own experience and ongoing studies. He also likes to ask direct questions in an effort to help you put your thought process on a more solid ground. Mr. Bond is usually blunt and to the point and will force you to think.
Hang in there burning it will get easier down the road. I know, I have been in my sitch for 8 months. I'm hopeful you will keep posting as it does help.
