And I believe when she discovers she can no longer manipulate you emotionally, she will pursue you, b/c not only will it challenge her but b/c she'll find it attractive. But right now, she is still usuing her old guilt tricks. She just can't resist taking jabs at you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Keep the focus on you, don't give a second thought to why she does what she does, that's how you get drawn in.
Remember you can only control you. You've been doing a great job, keep it up.
You are right. She has very little sway with me but I do question her actions at times. Life is actually easier if Iet her just pass by me.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I agree...not wanting a cat certainly doesn't make you heartless! She is trying to get your attention any way she can.
Glad you are having a good time..
Exactly, if I was heartless I wouldn't have looked after and fed them both for the last 18 months even though I was strapped for money. I could just hand them in at the pound a long time ago.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
And I believe when she discovers she can no longer manipulate you emotionally, she will pursue you, b/c not only will it challenge her but b/c she'll find it attractive. But right now, she is still usuing her old guilt tricks. She just can't resist taking jabs at you.
She text me earlier:
W: How have the boys been today?
(Now when I ask that question all I get back is "Great")
Me: They've been fine. W: Awesome convo! More details would be appreciated. Me: They're eating fine, slept well, S2 keeps falling down when he runs. His nappies are quite *****. S4 might be coming down with something as he feels warm. Full of hugs. W: Thank you. That was much better. 8/10 for effort of communication.
I was so close to responding to that last one but I resisted.
I was thinking earlier that I still believe any marriage can be saved. I no longer feel like I want to save this one. I think my W is more than a WAS, she is self-entitled with very narcissistic like tendencies, with standards that I could never and would never want to live up to.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
And I believe when she discovers she can no longer manipulate you emotionally, she will pursue you, b/c not only will it challenge her but b/c she'll find it attractive. But right now, she is still usuing her old guilt tricks. She just can't resist taking jabs at you.
She text me earlier:
W: How have the boys been today?
(Now when I ask that question all I get back is "Great")
Me: They've been fine. W: Awesome convo! More details would be appreciated. Me: They're eating fine, slept well, S2 keeps falling down when he runs. His nappies are quite *****. S4 might be coming down with something as he feels warm. Full of hugs. W: Thank you. That was much better. 8/10 for effort of communication.
I was so close to responding to that last one but I resisted.
I was thinking earlier that I still believe any marriage can be saved. I no longer feel like I want to save this one. I think my W is more than a WAS, she is self-entitled with very narcissistic like tendencies, with standards that I could never and would never want to live up to.
He he. Many days I think that about W too. The problem is that I think as I look at the 11 years of our M, at least the narcissistic part applied to me at times as well, and I didn't even know it! I thought I was serving and sacrificing for my family, but as I look back often it was on my own terms.
My W recently shared she was lonely much of these 11 years. Tragic! It makes me more able to (at the very least) empathize and give it some time. But you've been at this a year longer than I have.
One tangent. In a previous post you mentioned meeting a young gal and then spending the next 22 hours together. Was that a typo, meant to be 2 hours? If not, it sounds like a story worth sharing!
s4tk
_________________________ Me: 37 W: 37 M: 11 D:5 S:2 IDLYA, W removed rings, BD 07/13 EA/Fantasy (PA?) confirmed 12/13 W moved out 05/14
Or you were both into the drama and blaming and P/A behavior and you've grow out of it.
She, for now, is stuck where she is. Sad.
Don't answer with great just because that's what she does, answer with what you think the mother of your children would want to know.
As their mother she does deserve more info. I wasn't keeping it short because that is what she does, I just didn't want the contact if I could help it. I don't really feel like that anymore though. Giving her the extra info felt good, like I'm not being quiet to protect myself anymore or to prove a point. It's more the info I would give my brother if I was looking after his daughter.
On Friday I am going to see the kids in their xmas carol service and then we are all going for dinner. Not sure how I feel about it.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
And I believe when she discovers she can no longer manipulate you emotionally, she will pursue you, b/c not only will it challenge her but b/c she'll find it attractive. But right now, she is still usuing her old guilt tricks. She just can't resist taking jabs at you.
She text me earlier:
W: How have the boys been today?
(Now when I ask that question all I get back is "Great")
Me: They've been fine. W: Awesome convo! More details would be appreciated. Me: They're eating fine, slept well, S2 keeps falling down when he runs. His nappies are quite *****. S4 might be coming down with something as he feels warm. Full of hugs. W: Thank you. That was much better. 8/10 for effort of communication.
I was so close to responding to that last one but I resisted.
I was thinking earlier that I still believe any marriage can be saved. I no longer feel like I want to save this one. I think my W is more than a WAS, she is self-entitled with very narcissistic like tendencies, with standards that I could never and would never want to live up to.
He he. Many days I think that about W too. The problem is that I think as I look at the 11 years of our M, at least the narcissistic part applied to me at times as well, and I didn't even know it! I thought I was serving and sacrificing for my family, but as I look back often it was on my own terms.
My W recently shared she was lonely much of these 11 years. Tragic! It makes me more able to (at the very least) empathize and give it some time. But you've been at this a year longer than I have.
One tangent. In a previous post you mentioned meeting a young gal and then spending the next 22 hours together. Was that a typo, meant to be 2 hours? If not, it sounds like a story worth sharing!
s4tk
My W had a lot of similar issues with our marriage and they were valid. Since then I have done what has been needed to do to change but she hasn't done anything, possibly even got worse as her expectations haven't been met.
No it wasn't a typo. I met her on the Saturday afternoon, we chatted on and off like I did with everyone that was there. By about 20:00 we were getting on really well. By 23:00 we were huddled together in the train station. At 24:00 we were holding hands on the train. Went for another drink at 1:00 and just sat in the bar talking until the lights came on at 3:00. We weren't done so we got a taxi back my house, put some music on and chatted, then put "Grease" on my projector which she loved and chatted more and made out. We both started falling asleep on the sofa...so we got in got the bed at about 6:00. We just hugged/spooned and fell asleep. For some reason we both woke at 9:00 after only 3 hours sleep and we both had hangovers. We lay in bed until 15:00 in the afternoon, talking and making out, having a laugh. It was one of them times you couldn't have planned. We went to get some food and I dropped her off at home because I had to go into work for an hour. God knows how long it would have been if I never had to go into work.
She came round last night to help me put my xmas tree up. She's fun, she isn't what I'm used to.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
