Thing that scares me is that W is a stubborn woman and when she sets her mind to something, it's done.
I don't think you can say that with accuracy any longer. She committed to be married at one point, right?
In fairness, I doubt she saw this coming. I doubt you did either.
Many of us have heard the ILYBNILWY or "I never loved you" speeches at one time or another. We've heard all kinds of abuse, anger, and often felt like we were paying for somebody else's sins.
But like T said, there were things about ourselves we didn't like. Things we were doing, perhaps because they were "familiar" to us in our past. It's how family dynamics work. It's why we hear of curses to the fourth generation, right? We as humans take time to improve what we went through. To not make the mistakes our forefathers made and yet keep the good things. We sometimes fall asleep when it comes to the good/bad or really just don't have enough information about which is which.
And then there's our own processing of events from years past.
One thing I don't think I've heard you talk much about, and I'm curious at this point - what happened between you and your father? What kind of father was he to you? Did he love you? Did he love you the way you wanted to be loved or did he have a different approach?
I know I have picked up some of the things my father did. My mother died when I was a teen, and dad went off the deep end for a long time. He was not "well" spiritually and mentally for a very long time. Very. In some ways, I was on my own since I was 14. My mother was a strong woman and left me with some examples and beliefs that still stick with me. So did my father, although I didn't see those things until much later. When I started looking at my own garden, I found some "weeds" that needed to be removed. One of those was around my mother's early death and how that made me feel. How I processed it, or didn't finish processing it as the case may be. One of the many blessings I received during my ex's departure and with her assaults, is that my father and I are much closer than we have ever been. He's always loved me - I knew that. But it's been good for both of us to go through this. He's told me more about his feelings and his life since my ex started this than he ever did prior. It has helped to break down some walls. Same with my grandmother and my sister. I can't tell you it didn't come with tears, pain, and eventually joy - it has.
Can you talk about your relationship with your parents? What's it like with your mom now?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
