It's Not Over 'Till It's Over

[melissag]

F4, I am not familiar with your whole sitch - just read the most recent posts on your thread. But I've read enough to agree with Mimi - do NOT bring up R talk with your W!!!

I find it extremely easy not to bring up R talk with my H. Because, last I knew, he doesn't want to be my H anymore. So most likely, if I am to push him for answers, that is what I am going to hear. And I really don't want to hear that.

You need to give your W her space without pushing her or pressuring her. Did you read DR? Do you understand how pressuring your W is the exact wrong thing to do? As is breaking down in front of her. Trust me, if your W wants to reconcile, she will let you know. You are looking for excuses to bring up R talk, but I promise you, none of those excuses are going to take away the damage you may do if you bring it up before she is ready.

I think we have all watched too many movies and listened to too many sad songs. They glamorize breakups and sadness and looking out the window at the pouring rain while crying, or sliding down the door and slumping on the floor in pain while the other person slides down the other side of the door. Forget all that. Don't be a victim! You are hurting yourself, your son, and your chances at R if you let yourself take on the role of the victim.

I KNOW it is hard. This is unbelievably hard! We have all been there. But you need to pick yourself up, find something to be grateful for, gather up all your strength, and have a great time with your S. He deserves that and so do you. If you are not in a good state of mind, just make the interaction with your W short and sweet. You can fake happy for 5 minutes while you pick up your son. If you need to, say that you have to be somewhere, gotta go! Byeeee! Smile. You can break down in the car if you want. Do NOT break down in front of your W. It will only take you back to square one.

Come on, you can do it!!