Now a I am beginning to overthink and overplan because my H is coming here next weekend
act as if ??? what??
Last time he was here which was a month ago I thought it was THE talk. My coach said don't open the R talk unless he starts it.. I know he hates confrontation so tried to project my PMA
I have already said on this thread
NO talk.. he was anxious but we were like neighbours visiting each other..
Now he has said last week that the next weekend.. We need to talk.
He said I acted as if nothing had happened????- he did not like that obviously
The advice is still no R talk ( coach) validate, take time for decisions..
What do you think
PMA, act as if ... he is a friend ...avoid confrontation.. let him start.
Any thoughts on how to handle this...
I like Melissas/PM idea of open heart,..open mind..see what comes..be calm, happy to see him, ready to listen but not in control and not managing the conversations give him time to talk..or think...
Right track???
Lou, I think you should definitely listen to your coach! Also, I see you are doing what most of us do . . . driving yourself crazy thinking about what to do. It's not helping. I know you are nervous about what H may or may not say, but you really don't know what's going to happen. So just review the 37 rules, listen and validate if he talks, and remember that you don't have to answer any questions or agree to any actions immediately. If you feel yourself starting to get overemotional, you can say "I need some time to think about this." If he is not nice, calmly excuse yourself from the conversation.
You are very focused on your H being upset that you are acting like nothing happened. That's not your problem, that's his problem. Is this his way of trying to get you to bring up R talk, because he is too afraid of confrontation? No way. If he wants to talk, make him do it. You just be calm, keep up your PMA, and follow those 37 rules.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
