Ambivalent, I'm glad you had fun dancing last night. It does you a world of good.
You are going to have days when you feel like sh@t, so own them and then let the feelings go. If you don't mind me ask, what huge mess do you have to work on in the home? I had the impression that your home was okay.
You have many years left and no, it's the other way around, you got the best years of his life and whatever is left, well...let's just say he's winding down. You are moving forward, dancing, enjoying the company of others, working, going to school, etc. Your glass is still half full, not half empty and only you can make it what you want it to be.
I can understand why you don't feel Christmas this year. I went down that path many years ago. The best advice I can give you is go simple, start new traditions and don't try to do all that you have done in the past. Why? Because you are already stressed out enough and quite frankly...Christmas is over rated commercially. Get back to your roots, change up your traditions and do something different. If you don't feel like putting out a lot of decorations, then don't.
As for gifts, baking is always a nice gift. People enjoy homemade gifts far more than they do store bought gifts. Time to use your imagination and come up w/some great gifts. I know you can do this.
During this season of madness, take time out to pamper yourself and get plenty of rest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
