Tigerlily, I agree w/CC, time to set up an allowance for you so that you don't have to ask your h for the debit card or for money. Why don't you have your own debit card to the account? Many banks will provide two, one for the husband and one for the wife. You shouldn't have to ask for money, especially for the necessities. He could also give you a weekly allowance in cash as well.
Now, he's going to play the long lost relative and not be a part of the family, then cease the things that you've been doing for him, i.e., cooking, laundry, etc. He needs to understand that this is how it will be if someone splits from the family. Right now, you are playing his "mom" and that's not your role. If he's late for dinner, don't wait, go ahead and eat. The same applies to anything else that he does or doesn't do.
Live your life to the fullest because life is far too short to play "mom" to a grown man who thinks he's 19.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
