not as scared or confused. . still hopeful (II)

[melissag]

Hi Julie . . . sorry you are having a tough time. As far as DBing goes, you've got to just make the commitment to do it, remember why you are doing it, remind yourself of why you are doing it, and don't allow yourself to react in a way contrary to your plan. Here's a thought that might help - if you react in a non-argumentative manner, and you think it over for a while, and decide that it's really important to be argumentative, you can always go back and be argumentative. But, if you are argumentative and then regret it, you can't undo it. Point being, err on the side of DBing, even if it makes you want to strangle your H. Typically speaking, you won't regret it.

About your child being around OW. First, you don't know that he will be. So don't mind read and certainly don't accuse. That's not helpful. Next, no, you are not wrong about not wanting your child around OW. Any human being would feel the same. But, think about whether it's YOUR issue, or if it will really affect your kid. I'm not sure of the answer to that - probably depends on the kid and the parent and the situation. But you can figure that out for yourself - just try to take a step back, remove the emotions, and think about it objectively.

Get up, dust yourself off, remind yourself of your goals, and make sure you are acting in a way that is consistent with achieving those goals.