Wife wants Divorce, I do Not

[dingo]

Don't ask any of those questions.

You know why. She wasn't/isn't getting her needs met in her current situation and turned elsewhere to satisfy them.

Does it matter how long?

If she says it won't continue, will you trust her answer? If she says it will, does that change what you will do? Besides, asking that question can feel like pressure.

My advice is figure out where your boundary is regarding the affair before you talk that her. State it in a non - threatening way and be prepared to enforce it.

If you are willing to give her time and space and accept the affair as part of that, you need to maintain no contact. For you, not her and not the marriage.