Still trying to get up that great Big Hill...

[Pudmuddle]

Ok, job, I need your advice, if your reading this. Anyone else is welcome to have input too.

I haven't seen my passive/aggressive boss around for a while. She had been sending emails, reminders for her employees to do things, but no face to face, or in meetings she should be in with our team.

So today I meet with her for a one-on-one and we are being cordial, courteous to each other. Then she throws an Action Plan at me. In our company this is a plan for you to, basically, start straightening yourself out or there could be discipline. Seriously?? I still haven't even taken it very personal because I know it is just plain wrong.

At the top of the plan it says 'Action plans are not discipline. However, disciplinary actioni may occur if action plans objectives are not met.

A few of the items listed are career oriented, the last one is behavioral. It states: " She consistently demonstrates that she is not open to feedback and coaching - she gets highly defensive, and negates it right away. She needs to be open to feedback and suggestions. She needs to take things in a constructive manner and show demonstrable improvements. Collaborate and improve working relationships with team members."

Now, I have a team I work with daily and none of those members has said anything about any of this type of thing. This is coming strictly from my boss and our go around which I THOUGHT we had resolved between us. She hasn't been around or even talking to me lately and now she swoops in once again and I get this.

Like I said, I know it's not true and she and I did have our differences but apparently it stung her little behind enough to do this. I am not angry, but in awe that someone would stoop this low. I feel like going to HR or her boss and doing some of my own complaining on her behavior. Thoughts??

Sheesh. That [censored].

[Pudmuddle]

First I was told by her that I wasn't speaking up enough, now when I speak up I am being negating. wtf?

[job]

Pudmuddle,
I would first set up a meeting w/her to discuss the action plan and what her expectations are. Listen to what she has to say and jot down notes. Maintain eye contact at all times, sit up straight, and be as calm as you can be. Once she is finished, then address the items she mentioned one by one (from your notes). Ask her to give you examples, especially when it comes to working with your team.

Yes, her little behind has been stung and she's not happy. She doesn't like having emails posted to her w/questions, clarification and follow ups. She feels threatened because she can't remember what she's asked for on any given day. Keep in mind, she's new and she's really not advised you of what her expectations truly are.

[job]

Pudmuddle,
If you don't get any satisfaction out of the meeting, then take your issues to the next level. You want to try to follow the chain of command as best you can because if you don't, you could make it harder on yourself w/your supervisor.

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks job. I'll see what I can do. I don't need her in my life right now...

I'm so irritated.

[Underdog]

Hey Pud,

Something smells really fishy here. How long has she been your boss? Can you give some background on how she got there? And what your R with your previous boss was like?

Back when I worked for very large defense company on the west coast, I had a similar situation. Our previous boss left the company for a massive promotion and one of our colleagues got his job. I'll say that nobody in our group liked this guy and he played favorites (feelings were not mutual among any of us, male and female). One day, butthead showed up in my office and presented me with a very familiar document that you received. I was upset (like you) and loathe to depart from procedures because of any backlash. I remember tiptoeing the minefield very, very carefully.

In my case, dickwad didn't like me because I asked him direct questions that made him feel under public scrutiny, and I also didn't allow the elephant free rent in the living room. That, in essence, was the root of my evils. He considered me a dissenter, and for that I needed to be punished.

Now for the minefield navigation. I was very close to the person who was 2 levels above him. One day I grabbed him and asked to have an off the record conversation on what he suggested I do to facilitate things. It could have become ugly, but it didn't. In fact, the big guy suggested I let the elephant stay in the living room because our employer was paying the rent and dickwad was my boss.

I agreed to his insane terms so it didn't wind up on my employment record, but I definitely didn't agree with any of it. And neither did my colleagues. From that point on, dickwad put himself in the position of being reviled by the rest of my team for being a dick. I wound up leaving and moving here and he got canned a month or so after I left. Go figure????

For the record, his last name was a German name that began with DittXXXX. We seriously called him Dickhead behind his back.

I'm glad to hear that you aren't taking this personal. She apparently chose to make it that way.

I'll be really interested to hear what you say about your previous reviews and any other information that might lend itself to figuring out why she's taken a dislike to you. At the very least, did she present you with a situation that illustrated her points? Anything that might be situation specific?

She sounds kinda dangerous, Pud. My spidey sense says that you should proceed with caution. Start your new job search in earnest???? Seriously, you're smart and qualified for a lot of jobs out there that could be so much easier to work in. Wish I had an opening for you that I could pay you what you deserve!

Take care, and stay warm!

Betsey

[2Times2Many]

Oh, Pud, I am so sorry to hear about the troubles at work.

I wish I could give you an easy answer, but I agree with others above. Get more detailed info from her. If she is off base, take it up the ladder.

Hugs to you sister.

[Not Quitting]

Pud, sorry you're still having problems with your new boss.

I also wish I had an easy answer for you. The others are right. Sit down with her and go over each of her points. If you still have an issue, then you go up the ladder.

Stay strong, you can do this.

[tigerlily78]

Sorry your boss is such a wacko. It almost seems like projection... she doesn't want to be held accountable for her own shortcomings in organization, communication, and accountability so she will throw someone else under that bus to make herself seem/feel better.

I think job's suggestions are very good. Follow up and try to validate and get to the bottom of her complaints... if that doesn't work there are other channels you can explore. For example, what sort of reviews and commendations would your other team members give you in those same areas? I don't think it will be hard to establish to someone in HR that only one person seems to have that perception of you.

I think some of these manager types have serious insecurity problems and actually make a point of taking the most talented and confident employees and trying to grind them down or hold them back. They can't handle being outshone by someone else or have their own incompetence come to the surface. My H had a similar experience a few years ago where under a new manager the employee review process went from a rubric that scored how effectively and efficiently you performed in your job and solved problems to being based on whether this one toolbag thought you smiled enough at other people or gave the proper amount of sympathy to Susie at the water cooler talking about he gallbladder surgery. :P

[Pudmuddle]

Hi Betsey

I'll try to answer your questions best I can.

My boss is relatively new to the company, hired about 4 months ago. She worked for a financial company before, which can be very aggressive management. The minute she came in she was requiring status reports and updates from the 2 people on my team that are under her. They were serious micromanagement. Then the other person that I worked with got 'let go'. Right after that she told me I didn't have to do those reports and statuses any more. First sign, that something just wasn't right about her.

Now she is often not at our daily meetings for the entire project team that I work with. But she swoops in to our major planning meetings and starts to undermine all the work I have done, saying that's not right do it this way, or do this instead.

My R with previous bosses was fine. If we had disagreements we worked them out, but that rarely happened. I've never been reported on in this manner before. Only earlier this year did I have an issue before she got there with the director who was questions my time estimates to get a project out. He was trying to tell me my estimates were off and I said I couldn't possibly do it any quicker. He kept pushing and pushing until I lost my cool. This was also about the time I was sinking into deep depression and right before I took extended time off. This came up in my mid-year review as something I needed to improve upon. My boss before my current boss reviewed this with me. Then when bully boss came in she reviewed this with me AGAIN. Like I needed to go through that again. I explained my side of the story and she SAID she likes to form her own impressions of people. I thought, well cool, because I want to put it behind me. However ever since then, she has not trusted me to do my job, tells me how to do my job and she considers this COACHING. Now she has brought up this Action Plan where she states that I become defensive and negate everything my team members say. This is totally NOT TRUE. If you were to ask my project team members none of them would agree with this. This only came up because she is now taking our disagreement to a personal level. Even after she apologized to me and then I apologized to her, it wasn't over in her mind. I was willing to move forward. She was obviously p'ed off and had to push it a little farther. She gave me no specific examples at the time, basically just handed me the form and said these were things to work on.

The think is I don't feel like there is any other manager there I can talk to, to get some advice from. The culture they have created in the last year and a half does now show any compassion from people. They are all watching out for themselves. Kind of sad.

I decided this is not a place I want to work, as it feels like a hostile work environment every day. I may go talk to someone in HR just to get some advice on what is happening and waylay my fears.

I am finishing up my resume this weekend and will be pursuing that avenue. I might quit if it gets too stressful. Even that stress would be better than this.

Thanks for listening Betsey, I know you would help me out if you could, I appreciate that thought.