Thanks everybody for stopping by. I’m back home from my vacation home. The weather was starting to get cold over there, but we (my dog and I) still went to the ocean when the tide was in. I brought a towel and laid down close to the shore so I could hear the waves crushing. I looked at the clouds in the sky forming into the shapes and then disappearing. My dog laid down next to me and watched the ocean. It was amazing to see his face, like he was reflecting on himself, LOL. Maybe my dog has some insights after all, you never know, haha.
I was kind of sad to leave this time, because I don’t when I would be able to go there again and be on my own. I’m assuming H is going to show up here at the end of the year to go to the annual college football games with his brother. Then he will go to the vacation home.
My friends in Mexico were talking again about how H’s intention was for us to stay “the best friends” and go to each other’s family gatherings. Even though it doesn’t look like it is working that way for him, I’m still thinking what might happen during this holiday season. My family’s big celebration is New Years, so I’m kind of thinking what I would do if H asks me about that. Part of me doesn’t want him to be with us during the New Years, I want to feel completely relaxed and happy and his presence would bring some tension (well, until I drink enough, LOL.) Then I remember all the good advice on this board and think I should have the door cracked a little... I just don’t know what to do, and it causes me a great deal of anxiety.
I’m so not looking forward to him coming here. When I think that I would have to interact with him in person, I get scarred. It’s been 6 months since we saw each other and almost 3 months since we talked on the phone.
And another thing… Do I acknowledge his e-mail with thanks for his mail? I just don’t know anymore. Am I trying to hold to something that is already gone long time ago?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
