Dealing with Uncertainty...

[NeedingMore]

Well, I did it. I texted him and said "Hi BF! Just wanted to see if you wanna come to the Christmas party for my new work? It's on Monday night."

No more no less. 2 hours now and no reply.

I decided to do this based on the fact they he may just say yes! Every time I have doubted him, he comes back with some reassurance..for example, I think he doesn't wanna see me and he does. Then we spend time together and it's amazing. Or he tells a mutual friend that we are just doing our own thing....I have not been bugging him or texting or anything so even if this is seen as pressure, I am following my heart. If he says no, my heart is telling me to let it go...I mean forge on with no more contact.

I keep thinking that he is DBing me successfully. He is doing what he wants, GAL without me and I'm wanting him.It feels bad, but this is so confusing because there is ZERO R talk. I feel like it seems here that I am chasing him...but I really am following DB well. Some things have worked very well so far.

Why do I still feel like my heart is breaking and sitting on the outside of my body? I am so sad, I don't think it's normal. I am lucky to have this new job right now, but the ache in my heart is very debilitating right now. I cry all dy. what is wrong with me???

This backslide has been really bad for me, regardless of what it did to "us". I keep wondering why it had to happen? I was feeling so string before. I was genuinely doing good...and now I feel like I am back to before square 1.