SM34's Post

[Accuray]

Hmmm, I think that lady might have been projecting her thoughts onto your W. I would not count on that being the case. It's more likely she's in an affair with OM and that's consuming the majority of her attention right now.

So you have a few options here I think you should evaluate:

1) You can move out and pursue a D

2) You can ask W to move out and pursue a D

3) You can make "an arrangement" to co-habitate where you *both* see other people with or without a D. This isn't really an open marriage because the two of you are no longer intimate.

4) You can just continue to tolerate your situation as it is, with your W having sex with someone else but also spending some time with you.

Of those four options, to me the fourth one is the LEAST desirable.

Given your situation with your daughter, your most practical near-term option may be #3, where you just completely drop the rope and start living as if you were single. I wouldn't do this for "revenge" or to get a rise out of W, or any other motive having to do with W. I would make your choices as if W wasn't on the radar screen at all. You can either date or not date, but W has nothing to do with it.

If nothing else, this will return some balance to the relationship. Her behavior of living with you 4 days and then going off to have sex with someone else three days per week while you sit home with your daughter really is not acceptable at all in my opinion, I would not be in favor of keeping yourself in that position.

WRT the therapist's advice regarding your daughter, that is one bit of input. W is having an affair, it is not your responsibility to circle around balancing everything else out. You may need to make your daughter's situation worse temporarily to protect yourself and get your own life back.

If W doesn't like that, she can stop seeing OM. This isn't all your problem to solve.

Acc