I think if gifts in the past have been from mom or from dad, then changing that now so they're all from both should be nixed. You're separate; you buy separate presents. If gifts in the past (before last year) have usually been all from both of you, then it makes sense to keep putting both of you on all the gifts even though dad paid for the big one and mom paid for the little one. I don't think there's a right answer, just a right answer for you and H and your kids. What is best for the kids? What is workable for you and H?
In my house, h and I usually gave each kid one or two presents from both of us. Since he left, he asked me what's on their list and will get them something, and I will get them something that is from me. It would be, in our case, very artificial to have gifts from Mom and Dad since we don't share money anymore and don't see each other or talk much. And that will likely grow even more distant in the future as we move on with our lives. I'll have my relationship with the kids, and H will have his. If he asks me for input on what they like or want, I'll give him what I know, though, since I spend a lot more time observing them than he does.
That said, I can't fault anyone for wanting to give their children a Hallmark Christmas, that should be encouraged rather than squelched.
I hope you find more peace and joy in this Christmas than the last one, and your H too.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
