I asked if H would like to get her that (a biggie because it's one of two things she has asked for)
First thought was, did H ask you for gift ideas for D? Or were you offering unsolicited advice on what you thought her should get D? May not matter or it could?
I mentioned that I got D clothes, but also explained to H that I said to D that there wouldn't be much under the tree from me, but we would have an awesome Christmas.
H said "That sounds great but let's work together in this and ensure that the kids have a wonderful Christmas. No need to say (gifts) from me or from Dad."
Interesting. IMO, H is taking the opportunity to not only give kids a good holiday but put on some shiny, knight like armor for his damsel.
It's sweet. Unless he hates shopping, wants you to take care of it (usual MO?), do it all and write his name on the tag! But that could just be my snotty, runny nose talking! LOL!
I'm a super awesome mind reader when I'm sickly. Laptops need safety valves. They should have thermometers to check for fever and breathalizers to measure blood alcohol before we can use them... Ha!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
Hmm Ruby - it does sound like he wants to have a hall family Xmas.
Was last year seperate gifts, etc?
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
RT- yes. We had discussed this particular gift for D, it was one of two things she wanted. I no longer give unsolicited advice (hardly...ever...practicing stfu and mostly succeeding...like mostly dead lol)
He is pretty good with the whole shopping thing....
Busting- yes he wants a Hallmark Christmas lol ! Last year was separate presents with him two and a half hours late to pick up kids, then returning them after two hours at SILs (because, you know, kids were bored). That was the Christmas he lent MG his car so she could go visit her family. It was the Christmas where I thanked him for telling the truth instead of lying and that it meant a lot. But I had to run out the tears and pain first
I think if gifts in the past have been from mom or from dad, then changing that now so they're all from both should be nixed. You're separate; you buy separate presents. If gifts in the past (before last year) have usually been all from both of you, then it makes sense to keep putting both of you on all the gifts even though dad paid for the big one and mom paid for the little one. I don't think there's a right answer, just a right answer for you and H and your kids. What is best for the kids? What is workable for you and H?
In my house, h and I usually gave each kid one or two presents from both of us. Since he left, he asked me what's on their list and will get them something, and I will get them something that is from me. It would be, in our case, very artificial to have gifts from Mom and Dad since we don't share money anymore and don't see each other or talk much. And that will likely grow even more distant in the future as we move on with our lives. I'll have my relationship with the kids, and H will have his. If he asks me for input on what they like or want, I'll give him what I know, though, since I spend a lot more time observing them than he does.
That said, I can't fault anyone for wanting to give their children a Hallmark Christmas, that should be encouraged rather than squelched.
I hope you find more peace and joy in this Christmas than the last one, and your H too.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I hope this Xmas is better than the last one too Ruby. I remember now what happened last year.
I hope indeed it is a better Xmas for us all. But like you said we will either way- because of who we are becoming now :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am going to be in debt for a million years (okay a bit of hyperbole). Not really, but I was thinking of my future and how different it will be. MY salary will be much smaller. I would probably have to sell this house and pay off debt with the profit.
I would only be able to rent for a few years.
And I realized that I was feeling emotions like excitement for my future. Happiness and confidence.
The financial aspect will be that I will not be living the same lifestyle if H and I go our separate ways.
Maybe it's the residue of drinking wine til 3 am. But I am strangely okay with that.
LOL! 