Building a lasting marriage 1

[jp787]

We go to counseling once a week and it is what is needed, it is helping. It can be very difficult.

We strive to have open and honest communication, making sure we word things in a way that is respectful and caring to the other. One of the hardest things about this is how to take what is said. An example:

Wife shares that she feels a certain way about something. I am to listen and validate or empathize or just listen, knowing this is how she feels and it is OK, no matter what. The problem for me is it can be very hard to not internalize or take what she is saying and placing blame on myself or falling into the role of self-pity.
We both have a hard time not taking blame or responsibility for the other. It is a very difficult thing to learn and live, allowing someone to share something and not personalizing it or making it about yourself, allowing it to be about them, even if you are part of the reason.

During our last therapy, I suggested we set a time once, twice three time, w/e per week to practice communication. Therapist said that we should ask an open ended question and the other person needs to ask to questions about what is said, validating.

Sure is going to be a long road