Wife says she wants to leave

[SM34]

Oh and I also told wife that she should make sure I am never within arms reach of OM, because I would...yep you gessed it.. bury him alive.

She said of course not. He wouldn't want to fight you..

Your damn skippy. Stand firm on these things. Some may say its controlling or childish or threats etc. But I think its the single best way to show strength and bravery. ..

You are essentially telling her that she may be a grown woman who makes her own decisions as poor as they are, but you will not allow her to make THIS poor decision.

Don't worry about a fight over it. I have yet to see one WAW in affaur fog who wants to deal with her young kids. You would probably be doing her a favor. Some like to force or suggest their spouse take the kids half the time just so they can throw a wrench in the cheating couples plans. How romantic is an affair couple with a three year old that wants her daddy?

But my thing is I don't care. My daughter is not a game piece to be played with. Daughters without a strong father grow up to be their mom..

Think about this. My father in law was cheated on and left for her affair partner. And he was weak and in my wifes words he cried himself to sleep for months. He allowed his wife to take his daughter with her even though my wife wanted to stay with her dad...

And history is repeating itself...

Only my wife had the decency to tell me what wad happening before the EA turned into a PA. I later confirmed this with some snooping..and that I was not going to be a weak father. My daughter will NOT learn this to be acceptable behavior!!

Be strong. Girls with weak fathers grown up to be their mom. Keep reminding yourself of this, it will help you do the right thing.

[planet]

ccZ28
I went through this so I know how you feel.

I was pretty much all messed up emotionally when I found out about the emails between my XW and her OM. Since you've already confronted W, I see no point going there. However, exposing and confronting is 2 different thing.

I planned on exposing this to her most respected relative so that whatever she does henceforth will be 'known' and someone from her side of the family will know the 'truth'. The people here thought it was a bad idea and I got a really good 2X4 from a no nonsense 25yearsmlc.
In the hindsight, it's kinda funny how I found out about the emails. We had a sort of a 'counter-espionage' going on. Later, my printed 'evidence' which I placed in my own car went missing too. I don't even know when XW went in to clear out the 'links' or how she knew about it.

Let me tell you this. It does you no good IF you habour thoughts on exposing W. NOBODY cares. There's very little anyone can actually do if W and OM wills it this way. Anyway, my XW made some silly excuse regarding the emails which sounds pretty convincing at that time but that's what it is, an excuse. Take the high road instead.

If those emails are recent then I suppose your W have move out of the 'unsure' phase. Right now, there's no turning back for W. Understand that your M is over and done. You will need to accept this for NOW.
LBS will convince themselves that the WAS is confused and living a 'fantasy'. Conflicted if you may. Mixed feelings or what not.
I'm here to tell you this is the wrong thought. It is REAL for THEM. The feelings are REAL. The in love feelings are REAL. This is REAL and you are living it.
Having any expectation that things will turn around this soon will set you many steps back. If you keep on clinging on that 'hope', you will only set yourself up for major disappointments.

The feelings of betrayal is hurtful. I know.
BUT know that you will be ALRIGHT regardless of what W does or does not.
OM and W have seem like having all the fun but whatever it may be, it does not have any bearing on who you are.

You will need to move on and do things to protect yourself and your D's interest for NOW. Saving the M can wait.
Please let us know that you are sleeping and eating well.

D3 is still with me. I told W she wasn't taking her anywhere. This is her home.

You do know D3 is her kid too. She have every right to love D3 as much as you do. Do not stop D3 from receiving love from her mother.
Your W decided to leave the M but not her child. Understand this.

[labug]

So sorry, cc. You're going to go through some crazy emotions.

Just remember that reacting based on some of them could do you and your D much more harm than good.

Can't remember, have you seen a L? If not, it's past due.

I'm going to echo Mach1 and Mr CAS her: Class, Honor, Dignity.

[Accuray]

Yep, I'm not against confronting a cheating spouse -- it's just best not to do it at the point of impact when your emotions are running high, best to apply the 24 hour rule.

So now you have a decision to make -- is this a deal breaker for you?

There is no "right" answer to that question, only what is best for you. Deciding to leave the marriage at this point is not wrong or bad. If you decide to stay, you're looking at a long road ahead of you that may not lead to reconciliation.

Regardless of your choice, Labug is right, you should see a lawyer so that you will understand your rights and the various paths that may lay ahead so you can start to plan.

In terms of your mental state, it's very common to feel "out of control" at this point and that is a terrible feeling, so anything you can do to pursue activities where you feel "in control" is going to help -- including seeing a lawyer and laying out all your possible options.

If you have not, I also recommend talking to a DB coach at this point. If nothing else, they will make you feel much better and you probably need that right now.

Sorry for your discovery, most here have gone through it including me.

Acc