There has been a lot of discussion on the merits/disadvantages of the in-house vs. the out-of-house mlcer.
I have had an in-house one. The upside...I do get to show my changes. I do get "live" the new, improving me, right in front of her, in rather challenging circumstances. My feet are held to the fire, everyday. Practice makes perfect, right.
I also think that there is an advantage that should she change her mind and want to work on the marriage, there is not as a heavy "re-adjustment" period to co-habitating, since neither one would have gotten used to having total own space and freedom. But that is an untested theory on my part with no evidence.
And yes, her being here certain took off some of my own worry tenancies I would have most likely found myself in...though no "free candy van", I think
On the other hand...her being here has been hard because of the front row seat, her period of almost flaunting what she was doing, watching the roller coasters and train wrecks.
It's been hard because of it being "show time", all the time. Never a break, W through most of this was a SAHM. She has started working, so I get my "home alone with the boys time" and just "be". I am a perfectionist, so I felt the pressure to be perfect, and as Mach said, it's not necessary. But I didn't figure that out for quite a while. Still figuring that out. And figuring out how to make how I am consistent, whether she is home, or at work.
And the kids having that front row seat has been tough, but is it any tougher than her leaving? Idk.
I think each has advantages, and disadvantages. Neither is better, just different.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
