Negril, I'm so sorry to read that she's still playing the replay sand box. But, you are so right to detach and go on w/your life and I do agree w/you 100%....if you do the work on yourself and let your spouse go emotionally, physically and mentally...things do get so much better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Also the quicker you let go.... the less damage is done by the LBS.... you can't control the damage the MLC does.. I found the closer I was to the situation the more damage I was doing... contacting her first... saying stupid things .. begging.. chasing.. once I was able to stop doing it I felt so much better about myself and my situation. Learning patience is very hard to do.. but it an essential part in all of this.. and in life.
I am very Thankful for this board.. it has changed my life.. there is no way I would be as far long as I am without it. All the answers you need are right here... do the work and look for them.
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Doing a lot f soul searching over the past few weeks .. going thru my one year mark at this point.. Trying to figure out how much more of this I can take.. that sort of thing..
While reading the post on here I find that most have daily or weekly interactions with their MLCer.... where in my case I have almost zero... now we don't have kids together... so there's really no need to.. So my question is this... is this normal? to go months without seeing or hearing from her? because I would say on average from what I read on here it seems as thou most LBS talk with their MLCer a lot... where as I don't.. we only talk about once a month.. or once every other month.. that's it.. and most of that is me contacting her because I have some of her mail... I send a quick txt.. sometimes we txt back and forth.. but most times we don't...
probably a stupid question and I should know better.. but like I said I am trying to figure out what my next step should be.
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
Negril, It's quite normal not to hear for your spouse for month's on end. I didn't have children either and two of my friends who were former posters here didn't either and they were in the same boat.
I think the fact that we don't have children gives them more time to think and process their issues, etc., w/o the interruptions of children, visitation and custody and support issues.
If you are having some text communication w/her, that's great. Just keep your texts simple and straight forward. If you don't hear from her, don't worry...she's in a dark place and needs the space and time to heal herself. She will contact you when she needs you or something from you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good morning all. I came across this video and it seem to really help me.
quick update... it's been two years since BD.. we txted about once a month or every other month.. sometimes its just quick. sometimes we txt all day.. but it never seems to last longer than that... I haven't heard from her since the end of Jan 2015.. which is ok.. I have dropped the rope and moved on for my own health. I started dating about 6months ago.. it's very different but it was time. The future will be what it's going to be. I am VERY grateful all of this has happened. It has allowed me to grow and mature in so many ways. Taught me so many lessons I other wise wouldn't have been able to learn. At the end of it all I truly wish I could still kept her in my life, but it's ok that she's not. I am fine.. I am better than fine.. I am doing great . I wish you all the best in your journey.
M-39 W-41 T-9yrs BD-Dec 2012 “regardless of your choices and the fact that they may have caused me to experience painful emotions, I still love you because I recognize the purpose of our journey.”
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